Are you frustrated that your adult offspring doesn’t have a job, isn’t in college, and isn’t in a job training program? Resentful that they aren’t making an effort to get their life together? Fearful they will lose their friends and become a recluse? Tired of footing the bill? Desperate to help them gain their independence and move out? Join the club.
The “failure to launch” (FTL) syndrome is reaching epidemic proportions. Nearly 10 million U.S. Millennials ages 24-34 still live at home with mom, according to a 2016 analysis of American Community Data by Zillow. The rate of working-age young adults living with mom has been on the rise for over a decade, jumping from 13.1% in 2005 to 21.4% in 2014. Increasing housing costs and longer education times are only partially to blame for the trend.
Failure to launch has been described as “a dysfunctional adult offspring” who doesn’t take the necessary steps to achieve independence combined with at least one parent who feeds the problem by “providing age-inappropriate services.”
Young adults are stigmatized and viewed as lazy and overly pampered. The shame they feel when comparing themselves to their peers who are starting new jobs and moving into apartments can be so paralyzing it keeps them mired in their situation. On the flip side, parents face scrutiny from their own friends and family for pandering to their adult children.
It’s a difficult situation for both sides.
Recognizing the signs of this syndrome in an adult child is a critical step in overcoming the problem. Look for these signs:
Understand that FTL isn’t solely your child’s problem. It’s a two-way street. As a parent, it is especially important to acknowledge that you may be enabling the situation with your behavior. Ask yourself if any of these signs apply to you:
This codependent relationship can have lifelong consequences for everyone involved.
Focusing solely on fixing the symptoms associated with FTL is a mistake. You need to go deeper to find the root cause. What many people don’t realize is that hidden brain dysfunction and mental health issues among adult kids and/or the parents are often contributing to these symptoms. Issues that can keep young people from achieving their potential and make parents enablers include:
Tackling these root causes can help you and your adult offspring overcome FTL syndrome.
Many well-meaning parents try a variety of things—such as threats and lecturing—to prompt their adult children to move out, but in many cases, these efforts end up aggravating the problem. What can parents do?
In a 2016 study, Dr. Eli Lebowitz, who has been researching the phenomenon for years, suggested it would be better for parents to stop calling it a “failure to launch” and start thinking of it as an opportunity for growth, change, and development.
To spark that growth and break the cycle, follow this process.
Recognize that changing habits can be a difficult process and don’t expect major improvements immediately. Making small changes can lead to big results.
As a family, learn to kill the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) that keep you and your adult child locked in this unhealthy pattern. Whenever you or your child feels mad, sad, or frustrated, write down your thought and ask yourself if it is true. Then talk back to the ANT to kill it.
Example:
ANT: My kid will never get a job.
Is this true? No, I can’t know that it will never happen.
Kill the ANT: My young adult child can learn the skills necessary to land a job and keep it.
When you adopt this kind of thinking, it helps you and your child feel empowered to do something about your situation rather than feeling stuck.
Don’t view this as your child’s fault. Admit if you are enabling the situation and look for ways to change your behavior. This helps you feel empowered to be part of the solution rather than a helpless victim.
Knowing their “why” can boost their motivation to set and achieve goals. One of the most effective ways to improve goal setting and motivation is an exercise called the One Page Miracle. On a sheet of paper have your young adult write down what they want out of life in terms of education, career, finances, social life, and family. Then before making any decisions, they should ask themselves, “Will this help me get what I want out of life?”
Write a contract that spells out what you will pay for, what services you will provide, and what is expected from your adult offspring, and have all parties sign it. Think of this as an agreement between adults, similar to a contract with a tenant. Making a signed commitment increases the chances of success.
In order to successfully follow through on these steps, everyone in the family needs to optimize their brain health. This includes treating any mental health issues or past head injuries and making simple lifestyle changes can also boost brain health, including eating a healthy diet, daily exercise to boost blood flow to the brain, practicing stress-management techniques, and taking nutraceuticals to support brain health.
At Amen Clinics, we take a unique brain-body approach to diagnosis and treatment that includes brain SPECT imaging, as well as laboratory testing to check physical health, and other important factors that could be contributing to symptoms. By getting to the root cause of symptoms, we can create a more effective, personalized treatment plan.
If you want to join the tens of thousands of people who have already enhanced their brain health, overcome their symptoms, and improved their quality of life at Amen Clinics, speak to a specialist today at 888-288-9834. If all our specialists are busy helping others, you can also schedule a time to talk.
At Amen Clinics, a global leader in brain imaging related to psychiatry, we have helped tens of thousands of patients from over 120 countries enhance their brain health and get well. By the time our patients reach out to us for help, they’ve typically been suffering for quite a while. On average our patients have 4.2 diagnoses and have failed 3.3 providers and 5 medications before they come to us.
We routinely ask patients what drove them to seek our help, what was the last straw that made them pick up the phone. With the pandemic, it’s clear that people are experiencing a whole new array of issues that are driving them to ask for help.
Without the typical daily distractions, such as going to school or to the office, there is nothing to shield people from their struggles or the reality of their mental illness. It’s now front and center on a daily basis and demands attention.
People who had stabilized their mental health condition are now experiencing a return of symptoms they used to have under control. They need adjustments to treatment plans and additional strategies to help them through this challenging period.
Due to quarantine, couples are spending more time together at home with no respite from their relationship problems. This has led to more marital conflict, more frequent fights, and a more immediate need to address long-standing issues.
Now that kids are stuck at home, their ADD/ADHD symptoms are becoming glaringly apparent to their parents. And if parents are doing homeschooling during the lockdown, they are seeing first-hand that their child’s learning challenges may be far more significant than they realized.
For many young children, adolescents, and teens, it’s their friends, sports, and other extracurricular school activities that help keep them mentally stable. Without that support network and without the activities they love, their underlying mental health problems are becoming unbearable.
Due to the stress and anxiety of the pandemic, some people with addiction issues who had been sober are using again or thinking about using again and need help to combat those urges. In addition, some people who had previously been light or moderate drinkers are now developing a drinking problem and others are turning to drugs as a coping mechanism.
The stress from a lack of work or unexpected financial instability is pushing some people over the edge and creating mental health problems or making existing ones worse.
Feeling like everything is up in the air, that there is nothing you can count on, and that you can’t make any plans is extremely difficult to handle and is ramping up anxiety, depression, and other issues.
For some people, the events of 2020 have been so traumatic that they are beginning to have suicidal thoughts and need professional help.
Daily schedules have gone out of the window, leading to a variety of lifestyle changes, such as sleep problems that exacerbate anxiety, depression, stress, and other mental health issues.
Quarantine has triggered a host of changes in eating patterns—giving up on healthy eating habits, overeating, consuming more sugary baked goods—all of which make mental health issues worse.
Months of being told that we are “safer at home” has led to agoraphobia, which is a type of anxiety in which you have an irrational fear of specific places, situations, or spaces. In some people, this phobia stems from the fear of contacting COVID-19 or passing it to a loved one.
Some people say they have “tried everything” to control their mental health issues, but they are still struggling and are looking for alternative approaches to treatment.
A growing number of people are saying they’ve hit the wall with the pandemic, and they feel that they’ve reached the limit of their coping skills and need professional help.
Do you recognize yourself in these reasons? Have you reached the point where you could benefit from professional help? You’re not alone. No matter how impossible or unbearable your situation may seem, understand that there is hope. With the proper brain-centered treatment, you can overcome trauma, anxiety, depression, and loss and learn to thrive—even in the most awful situation.
Anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time.
At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834. If all our specialists are busy helping others, you can also schedule a time to talk.
The pandemic has brought so many losses to so many people. For some, it’s the absence of sports that’s the hardest to cope with. And for student athletes who have seen their school sports axed, it’s taking a devastating toll on their mental well-being and cognitive function.
Over two-thirds of high school student athletes say they are experiencing feelings of depression and anxiety since sports were canceled due to the pandemic, according to a nationwide survey. The researchers from the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health found that 68% of students surveyed reported mood and anxiety issues at levels typically indicating a need for medical intervention. That’s 37% higher than previous levels.
Athletes at the college level are feeling the pain too. A majority of student-athletes reported high rates of mental distress in the NCAA Student-Athlete COVID-19 Well-being Study, which surveyed over 37,000 participants. Over 25% of the athletes who responded reported feeling a sense of sadness and loss while 1 in 10 said their depression levels were so high it made it difficult to function “most every day” or “constantly.”
For student athletes with ADD/ADHD, the lack of school sports is leading to increased struggles with symptoms associated with the condition.
At Amen Clinics, a global leader in the use of brain imaging in psychiatry, the number of student athletes (and their parents) seeking help for depression, anxiety, ADD/ADHD, and other issues is on the rise.
Missing out on organized sports negatively impacts an athlete’s life in many ways.
Exercise increases the feel-good neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine in the brain. Multiple studies show that physical exercise has strong antidepressant and antianxiety effects, with some reports showing it can be as effective as antidepressant medication. The UW study found that physical activity levels among high school student-athletes were 50% lower than pre-pandemic. Without that jolt of neurotransmitter production thanks to exercise, there’s an increased risk of feelings of anxiety and depression.
Exercise boosts blood flow to the brain, which can heighten focus and attention in people with ADD/ADHD. In the thousands of ADD/ADHD patients treated at Amen Clinics, there is a direct correlation between the level of exercise a person gets and the severity of their symptoms. When Amen Clinics patients who play sports, such as basketball which involves intense aerobic activity, they do better in their classwork at school. Decreasing activity or adopting a sedentary lifestyle makes people more prone to symptoms of ADD/ADHD, including trouble with focus, inattention, impulsivity, disorganization, difficulty with follow-through, and lack of motivation. That lack of motivation creates a downward spiral—less drive to exercise, fewer benefits from physical activity, even less motivation—that makes it even harder to get off the couch.
Missing out on the social aspects of team sports lowers moods and can cause depression to set in.
Everyone is dealing with a greater sense of uncertainty due to the pandemic. For students who play sports, that feeling may be more acute. Plans for the return of organized sports at the high school and college level are largely up in the air, meaning athletes are trying to prepare for seasons that may or may not take place. Uncertainty can trigger anxiety in anyone.
When you’ve worked toward a goal, such as earning the right to play a sport in college, and it suddenly gets taken away, you can’t help but feel cheated. You may feel a knee-jerk reaction to blame somebody, but that is the number one way to ruin your life. Blame is an ANT (automatic negative thoughts) that can make you feel like a helpless victim, which increases symptoms of depression.
What can student athletes do to boost their psychological and cognitive well-being? These strategies can help keep anxiety and depression at bay and can improve focus and attention.
Even if you can’t play your sport, maintain a training regimen that will keep you in shape and that will fuel your brain for better mental health and cognitive function.
You may not be able to huddle with teammates on the playing field, but you can connect on social media or via Zoom. Encourage team Zoom meetings or create a group page where you can connect, express challenges, and share strategies with each other. Social connection is critical for reducing depression.
Foods that increase dopamine and serotonin include proteins (such as turkey, salmon, and eggs), probiotic foods (such as sauerkraut, kimchee, and kefir), and nuts and seeds. Most people with ADD/ADHD (except people with Overfocused ADD/ADHD) do better with a diet that is higher in protein and lower in carbohydrates.
If your mind is filled with blaming ANTs, learn to talk back to them and start taking responsibility for your life. Stop dwelling on the things that are out of your control and focus on what you can do to make your life better.
If symptoms of depression, anxiety, or ADD/ADHD become overwhelming or get in the way of day-to-day life, it’s time to seek professional help. Understand that brain SPECT imaging studies at Amen Clinics show that each of these conditions has multiple types, so giving everyone the same treatment plan will never work. Each type requires a personalized treatment plan. Finding out which type you have is the key to getting the most effective treatment.
Anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time.
At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834. If all our specialists are busy helping others, you can also schedule a time to talk.
After months of quarantine, we’re getting close to that time of year when kids, teens, teachers, and parents typically shift into “back to school” mode. But this fall, life is anything but typical. Some school districts are going with online instruction only, others are going back to classroom study with no masks or physical distancing required, and still others are going to try some sort of hybrid model.
As a parent, what are you supposed to do?
Now, more than ever, people are having to navigate conflicting information and dissenting opinions on very important issues—health risks, economic fallout, and mental health consequences. On top of the onslaught of contradictory information from health officials, news media, schools, and other sources, there’s also your child’s wishes and comfort level to take into consideration. When you’re faced with uncertainty or options that you find unnerving, what can you do?
Find out as much as you can about your options. Will your school district allow parents to choose whether to send kids back to school or to remain at home with online instruction? If you want to send your kids to school, but their school will be closed, is there an option to put your child in another school to fit your desires?
If you think that in-classroom learning and socialization outweigh the health risks and your child or teen is itching to go back to school, find out what the school will be doing regarding the potential spread of COVID-19. Is it enough in your view, or is it going overboard?
Don’t let thoughts about things that are out of your control infest your mind. Constantly worrying about things that are beyond your control will ramp up your stress and fuel anxiety and depression. Keep your attention on the things you can do and let go of the rest.
Anticipate that school policies may change between now and school start dates and that they may change days, weeks, or months after the school year begins. If you’re a rigid thinker, which is often associated with too much activity in a region of the brain called the anterior cingulate gyrus, you may expect things to be done in a certain way, which can make it far more difficult to cope with any changes. When you mentally prepare yourself for changes, you’re better able to roll with them without getting upset, irritable, or frustrated.
Your personal financial situation, job, and family dynamics will influence your decisions regarding back to school. Make a list of pros and cons in each of these areas to help you see what works best for your family.
If the idea of sending your kids back to school fills you—or them—with panic and anxiety, you may want to consider continuing distance learning. Some parents are even making the shift to homeschooling as a way to gain more control and avoid the uncertainty and potential health risks of going back to school.
When faced with too many choices or seemingly no good options, some people become paralyzed due to the fear of making the wrong choice. This can be mentally exhausting and increases stress and anxiety levels. When you freeze and can’t choose a path, it ultimately means that someone else will be making the decision for you. Then if things go wrong, you’re more likely to blame someone else, which is disempowering and is the #1 guaranteed way to ruin your life. Taking responsibility for your decisions in life, including those regarding back to school, is empowering and keeps you in the driver’s seat of your life.
Anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time.
At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834. If all our specialists are busy helping others, you can also schedule a time to talk.
By Eboni Cornish, MD
Unfortunately, we do not have a cure or vaccination for COVID-19 at this time. It is continuing to spread, with over 1 million active cases of coronavirus in the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). Although much of the media attention has focused on the elderly and those with underlying health conditions as the most at risk, we are still learning about its effects on children.
The evidence of pediatric complications of COVID-19 is newly emerging, and there are increased reports of children with Pediatric Inflammatory Multisystemic Syndrome (PIMS). As of May 7, 2020, at least 85 children have developed PIMS. This COVID-19 linked illness is associated with a high level of severe inflammation and can mirror symptoms of other inflammatory illnesses such as toxic shock syndrome and Kawasaki disease. Symptoms include high fevers, rash, red eyes, severe diarrhea, and possible complications with the cardiovascular system.
As states start to re-open, it is imperative that we have an enhanced focus on the immune system of our children. Our society is going to be exposed to a new normal, unlike anything we have ever experienced.
Here are some things you can do:
As schools open up, we have to remind ourselves to remain cautious. Form a positive relationship with the staff at your children’s school and stay informed.
Avoid close contact with any students that have cold or flu-like symptoms.
Teach them to wash their hands for at least 20 seconds, especially after blowing their nose, coughing, or sneezing; after going to the bathroom; and before eating. They can time this by singing the song “Happy Birthday” twice while washing in the sink. Also, teach your children the proper way to sneeze by covering their mouth and nose with a flexed elbow.
Monitor your children for any signs of excess fatigue, diarrhea, fever, or any other complaints. Have a very low threshold when it comes to calling your pediatrician regarding adverse symptoms in your children.
Be sure to wipe down surfaces, such as tables, countertops, and doorknobs.
Consider having your child change clothes and shower after visiting any locations where more than 10 people are gathered.
Children should eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables per day. Try to introduce a vegetable with each meal. And consider introducing morning fruit smoothies in your child’s daily routine. If you have a picky eater, try to find healthier alternatives that are similar to their favorite food.
COVID-19 is highly contagious and children should take the same precautions as adults. The CDC recommends that children 2 years and older should wear a cloth face covering over their nose and mouth when in public settings where it’s difficult to practice physical distancing. This is an additional public health measure people should take to reduce the spread of COVID-19 in addition to (not instead of) the other everyday preventive actions listed above. Do not place cloth face covering on children younger than 2 because of the danger of suffocation.
Try to avoid unnecessary play dates.
Babies are prone to put their hands and mouths on anything in their grasp. It is important that we minimize their exposure to contaminated items.
Launder items using the warmest appropriate setting for the item and dry items immediately.
In summary, we now have evidence that COVID-19 can cause serious complications in our children. Let us not ignore the research. This is a new virus and we are still learning about it. We must remember that children are vulnerable to this disease.
Let’s focus on keeping our children safe.
Dr. Eboni Cornish is an integrative/functional medicine physician with a special interest in infectious diseases at Amen Clinics. She is a board member of the International Lyme and Associated Diseases Educational Foundation which is responsible for training numerous physicians on the treatment of Lyme Disease and other tick-borne infections. Dr. Cornish’s approach to the treatment of chronic disease is to find the root cause of a person’s health problems by performing a comprehensive evaluation of the body’s various biological systems and taking an approach based on integrative strategies of healing.
Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever, and waiting to get treatment until the pandemic is over is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time.
At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples, as well as in-clinic brain scanning to help our patients. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834. If all our specialists are busy helping others, you can also schedule a time to talk.
Have you ever blamed your child’s teacher for not motivating your child to finish their schoolwork? Thought the teacher must not be any good because your child is really smart but doesn’t do well on tests? Or assumed the teacher doesn’t know how to deal with a child with attention-deficit disorder (ADD) or attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)? (Note, in this article, we will use the term ADD since many people who have this condition do not have hyperactivity.)
With the nation’s schools closed and most of us living under some form of quarantine due to the coronavirus pandemic, parents are being forced to homeschool their kids. And for some of you, you’re getting a first-hand look at just how challenging your ADD child can be. You may finally be realizing your child’s teacher wasn’t the problem after all. And you may be struggling to get your offspring to pay attention and complete any schoolwork.
What can parents do to help create an effective homeschool environment for ADD kids?
It’s important to recognize the most common symptoms seen in children with ADD:
Short attention span: Children with ADD have trouble with boring, routine, everyday tasks and need stimulation and excitement in order to stay engaged.
Distractibility: Children with ADD tend to notice more in their environment than others, which makes them easily distracted by outside stimuli, such as light, sounds, smells, certain tastes, or even the clothes they were. Their keen sensitivity causes them to get easily off task.
Disorganization. Most children with ADD tend to struggle with organization of time and space. They tend to be late and have trouble completing tasks on time. Many things get done at the last moment or even later. They also tend to struggle to keep their spaces tidy, especially their rooms, book bags, drawers, closets, and homework.
Procrastination. Tasks and duties get put off until the last moment. Things tend not to get done until there are deadlines or someone else is mad at them for not doing it.
Poor internal supervision. Many young people with ADD have issues with judgment and impulse control, and they struggle not to say or do things without fully thinking it through. They also have a harder time learning from their mistakes.
ADD is a brain-based disorder. It tends to affect the frontal lobes, in particular, an area called the prefrontal cortex (PFC). The PFC is involved in focus, forethought, judgment, organization, planning, impulse control, empathy, and learning from one’s mistakes.
Brain SPECT imaging studies show that ADD brains work differently. SPECT (single-photon emission computed tomography) is a nuclear medicine study that evaluates blood flow and activity in the brain. Basically, it shows three things: healthy activity, too little activity, or too much activity.
SPECT studies show that in the healthy brain when a person concentrates, blood flow increases to the PFC. In people with ADD, however, concentration causes blood flow to decrease to the PFC. In fact, the harder someone with ADD tries to concentrate, the worse it gets. Research shows that the low activity in the front part of the brain is often due to lower levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical heavily involved with attention span, focus, follow-through, and motivation. When its availability is low, people tend to struggle in these areas.
What’s a stressed-out parent supposed to do? Here are 7 strategies to create a more effective learning environment for kids with ADD.
Kids with ADD have trouble with uncertainty and have difficulty delaying gratification. On the flip side, they are more likely to thrive in a structured environment. Be sure to post a daily schedule in the house where they can see what activities will be happening at what times.
A short attention span is one of the hallmarks of ADD, so plan homeschooling lessons accordingly. Think of teaching in short segments rather than lumping all schoolwork into one continuous block. Depending on your child’s attention span, you may do a 30-minute or 45-minute lesson followed by 15 minutes of free time, especially active playtime. Physical activity boosts dopamine and enhances blood flow in the brain, both of which can be beneficial for kids with ADD.
One of the things children with ADD have trouble with is follow-through. Because of this, you need to take an active role to make sure they know exactly what is expected of them in each school lesson and then check to make sure they have completed it on time. Check in frequently with your child to help keep them on track rather than waiting until the deadline.
ADD kids react better to positive encouragement and lots of it. Rather than pointing out what they’ve done wrong—not finishing an assignment on time, wrong answers on a test, or fidgeting—be sure to notice what they’re doing right. Saying things, such as, “Excellent job
When trying to teach your child at home, NO YELLING! Due to low levels of dopamine, children with ADD often find themselves seeking conflict or playing “let’s have a problem.” They can be masterful at making other people mad or angry at them. Don’t lose your temper with your child, which often just makes things worse.
Brain imaging studies have found that ADD is not one thing. There are 7 different types, so one treatment will never work for everyone. The 7 types of ADD are: Classic, Inattentive, Overfocused, Temporal Lobe, Limbic, Ring of Fire, and Anxious.
ADD is a generational disorder, meaning it tends to run in families. Often, when a child is suffering from the condition, one or both of the parents may also have it. In many cases, the parents may never have been tested for ADD or diagnosed with the condition, so their symptoms remain into adulthood. If you’re really struggling to manage your ADD child, it’s worth investigating if a short attention span, disorganization, procrastination, or other issues may be getting in the way of your ability to homeschool your little one. Addressing your own problems will improve your ability to be an effective home teacher. This Healing ADD at Home online course from BrainMD can be very helpful for adults with ADD.
If you’re struggling with your ADD child and it’s causing you stress, anxiety, and frustration, it’s important to address it sooner rather than later. Just because you’re sheltering at home doesn’t mean you have to wait for the pandemic to be over before seeking help. In fact, during these uncertain times, tending to your family’s mental well-being is more important than ever, and waiting to get treatment is likely to make symptoms worsen over time.
At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults and children, as well as in-clinic brain scanning to help our patients. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834. If all our specialists are busy helping others, you can also schedule a time to talk.
By Michelle Flowers, MD
Parenting isn’t easy, even on an ordinary day. Like many of you, my normally jam-packed, but somewhat routine life, has been uprooted and chaos has taken hold. If you, like me, are feeling a bit disoriented, here are a few strategies that can help.
Unrealistic expectations are the enemy of a peaceful life. Now is a time to seriously evaluate what you can let go. I know your neighbor is posting on social media about how they’re getting organized or getting into the best shape of their lives thanks to “quarantraining.” But you need to remember that the “just-right” thing for your neighbor isn’t necessarily the just-right thing for you. Make a list of the expectations you have for yourself and your children then get rid of at least half of them. Leave space for peace by keeping only the essentials.
Although social media can be an excellent way to stay connected to friends and family, it can also cause suffering. Switching your attention back and forth creates stress in your brain. Decide on a reasonable amount of time (probably less than what your screentime app currently shows) and then schedule it into your day. Turning off notifications or keeping your phone in another room while you are working or spending time with your family helps create healthy boundaries. For more on this subject, check out the ScreenAgers movie or the Center for Humane Technology.
Even during uncertain times, you can still be certain of a few things. The steadiness of the Earth beneath your feet is one of them. The oxygen in the air you breathe is another. Make time to get outside and give nature a chance to support and energize you.
It may sound simple, but you need to keep breathing. You might be holding your breath without even knowing it’s happening. Take a moment to stop and become aware of your breathing. Breathe deeply and with a sense of wonder and gratitude. Notice the difference in how you feel when you inhale and exhale slowly. Link up this practice to something you already do multiple times a day, such as making a phone call, writing an email, or walking through a doorway. This will set a reminder in your brain to check in and take a relaxing breath.
There will be times when your emotions choose you, but you can empower yourself by deciding how you would like to feel and then taking steps to make it happen. Gratitude is one of my favorite emotions and often an excellent place to start. Make time in your day to consider at least one thing you are genuinely grateful for. Think about it in great detail and try to recreate a sense of gratitude that fills your entire body. Like most things, you’ll get better if you practice. (Watch this short video I made to learn the secret to get a bigger mood boost from your gratitude practice.)
Find family-friendly ways to relieve stress and anxiety. Blowing bubbles can easily become a fun way to teach kids how to breathe away the worry and anxious thoughts. Mind-jars can help introduce children and adults alike to the power of meditation. (Watch this video I made with two of my daughters to learn how to make a mind-jar.) Zen-doodling and coloring mandalas while listening to soothing music can become part of a nightly routine that will also prepare brains for more restful sleep.
It’s okay to reach out to friends and family and let them know if you’re struggling. The staff at Amen Clinics will continue to be available. (Find out more about our mental telehealth and video therapy services or reach out to us at the number below.) If you’re feeling overwhelmed, please call 1-800-4-A-CHILD or visit Childhelp.
I am grateful to be on this journey with all of you and look forward to hearing more about what you’re doing to grow even more resilient during this challenging time. Share your quarantine parenting tips in the comments section, and let’s all get through this together!
Dr. Michelle Flowers is certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. Dr. Flowers is passionate about helping people enhance the meaning of their lives. She works with you to identify your unique talents and direct your purpose. “Wellness comes from cultivating curiosity, seeing opportunities in challenges, practicing gratitude, and delighting in simple joys,” according to Dr. Flowers. “Listening to the deep wisdom that resonates within and around us allows us to move past fear and discover our power.” Dr. Flowers integrates modern and traditional practices. Her eclectic approach is inspired by Rogerian person-centered techniques and grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). She is also a certified hypnotherapist and has specialized training in aromatherapy. She customizes her approach to enhance your emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual health. She is committed to your pursuit of meaningful, realistic, and honest evolution.
Find out more about Amen Clinics, which offers comprehensive clinical evaluations and remote therapy sessions as well as in-clinic brain scanning, by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834. If all our specialists are busy helping others, you can also schedule a time to talk.
With nonstop news reports about the coronavirus and schools closing due to COVID-19, parents may be wondering about the best way to talk about it with their children. How can you bring it up without scaring your kids and making things worse?
Child and adult psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen, who has 4 children and 5 grandchildren, offers 8 tips on how to open up the conversation.
Kids have wild imaginations. If you don’t address the issue with them at all they may conjure up frightening stories in their head that can lead to excessive anxiety, panic, and looping worries.
Finding out what they have heard about the illness is a great opportunity to address any misconceptions they may have. Check the World Health Organization’s myth busters page for common myths about COVID-19.
One of the things child psychiatrists often have to teach parents is that kids pick up on more than just the words parents say. If you’re filled with anxiety and fear or compulsively using sanitizer, your kids are likely to mirror your behaviors.
Make sure you know the basics about the disease so you can provide accurate information. The CDC has a great page about COVID-19 facts for discussions with kids.
In general, too much screen time is harmful to developing brains. Letting children get their information from TV news or internet sources can heighten their fears. Be sure to monitor what your kids are watching and let them know to come to you if they have questions or concerns.
Whenever you blame someone else for the problems in your life, you become powerless to change anything. Blaming others is an example of an ANT (automatic negative thought) that makes you feel like you have no control over your life. And guess who’s listening? Your child. When talking to your child, don’t say that it’s someone else’s fault that the virus is spreading. Instead, focus on what you can do about it.
To help kids feel empowered, emphasize that there are many things they can do to stay healthy:
Telling them about these things is just the first step. Be sure to reinforce your child’s positive behavior by noticing when they wash their hands or give an “air 5.” Pointing out what your child is doing right is much more effective in shaping behavior than noticing the bad.
Let your kids know it’s normal to feel anxious or worried and that everybody feels like this from time to time. Reassure them that it should pass but also encourage them to let you know if their stress doesn’t go away or if it gets worse. In some cases, when a child experiences excessive anxiety or panic, they may benefit from professional help.
At Amen Clinics, our Child and Adult psychiatrists have helped thousands of children overcome anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive worrying, and compulsive behaviors. For more information, speak to a specialist today at 888-288-9834. If all our specialists are busy helping others, you can also schedule a time to talk.