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With the summer Olympics taking place once again, many people are drawn to the excitement of the competition as more than 11,000 elite athletes from around the globe come together to represent their countries. After years of focused training, discipline, and perseverance, most participants dream of winning gold, but only 339 of them will reach the top of the podium. That leaves 10,000-plus with dashed dreams. In general, training to be THE best by beating others can be a recipe for unhappiness. Training to be YOUR best by helping others be their best is a recipe for happiness. Just look at Simone Biles, considered to be the greatest gymnast of all time, who withdrew from the gymnastics team final at the Tokyo Olympics. The gold medalist said the pressure to be the best was too much to overcome and left her in a tough place mentally. Although Biles didn’t compete in the team finals, she cheered on her teammates from the sidelines and said she was “super proud of these girls” after they earned the silver medal. Training to be THE best by beating others can be a recipe for unhappiness. Training to be YOUR best by helping others be their best is a recipe for happiness.
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The vast majority of Olympic athletes will have to find a way to manage their disappointment, refocus, and learn something from their experience that helps them to be even better in the future. In everyday life, we all face setbacks. How can you cope?

Failure is a Part of Life

Even though most people don’t have the intense pressure of competing on the world’s stage while millions of people watch, all of us have times in our lives when we fall short in one way or another. Whether it’s a competition loss, failed business endeavor, relationship misstep, or poor performance on a critical exam, failing to achieve an important goal can throw us into a tailspin as we face the consequences of having lost something that felt so important. Although there’s nothing wrong with mourning a loss, some people can get stuck in a state of disappointment. You may feel like you’re a failure or become overwhelmed by a sense of shame. When this happens, negative emotions like these can make it very difficult to recover and move forward—especially if your identity is tied to winning.

7 Tips for Managing Defeat

What is missing for those who suffer like this is the understanding that many successes stem from various losses along the way. In other words, most people don’t cross the finish line on the first try, but they gain knowledge and experience as they press ahead. And you can too! Here are 7 tips to help you get up and back into the game:

1. Acknowledge how you feel.

Being able to identify the emotions that arise when you don’t achieve a goal is an important step in overcoming the setback. Notice if you’re feeling sad and hopeless, anxious, frustrated, or angry. Whatever those feelings are, they are yours, and by recognizing them, you can work through your emotions more clearly. It’s helpful to talk to someone you trust about how you feel or write in a journal about it so you can process your disappointing experience. And, if you need more support, consider scheduling an appointment with a licensed psychotherapist to help you.

2. Turn bad days into good data.

With every failed attempt, there is an opportunity to learn something—or many things. Whether the lesson is about yourself, your technique, your habits, or preparation and planning, each setback can become an opportunity for growth if you pay attention to what you gained in the process of trying to reach your goal. Turn bad days into good data. With every failed attempt, there is an opportunity to learn something—or many things.
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3. Manage your mindset.

Is your internal Debbie Downer or Nervous Norm holding you back? Feelings of depression can accompany defeat while being overly concerned and afraid of the future can lead to anxiety. When worries or negative messages are constantly rolling around your head, use a strategy Dr. Daniel Amen, neuropsychiatrist and founder of Amen Clinics, recommends to his own patients: Give your mind a name. And then talk back to it when it’s giving you discouraging messages that interfere with your ability to move forward.

4. Find the positives.

Despite the setback, think about the beneficial experiences you had along the way. It’s so easy for us to focus on the bad things that happen because our brains are wired to identify negativity in an effort to protect us from repeating mistakes. But you can override this function by also finding the positive things that occurred or good people you met throughout your endeavor. Take the time to write these down so you remember them for the future.

5. Take personal responsibility.

Fundamentally, you’re the only person in charge of yourself. If you made a bad decision, didn’t practice hard enough, or got distracted and off-track, own it—and don’t blame others. Take some time to analyze why you did what you did, acknowledge the error(s), identify what went wrong, and use that information to help you make better decisions each day.

6. Look for the micro-moments of happiness.

As you work through the challenges of a defeat, it’s normal to have some ups and downs; however, with sustained effort each day can get a little better. And even when some days feel like a struggle, you can boost your mood by paying attention to the little things that bring you a bit of joy. These are what Dr. Amen calls micro-moments of happiness. We’re often so busy or pre-occupied in one way or another that it’s easy to lose sight of the details each day that make us smile, but these moments add up and when we notice them it lifts our spirits which makes each day better.

7. Choose to move forward with courage and grace.

You may have spent a fair amount of time beating up yourself for what happened, but at some point, it is important to accept that you can’t change the past. Hanging onto the loss and disappointment for too long will prevent you from trying new things in the future. While it may seem safer, it can restrict your ability to use your talents or dreams to create a sense of greater meaningfulness in your life. Instead of being anchored to your loss, work on forgiving yourself for what happened, because once you do this, you can release your feelings of defeat, dust yourself off, and start over again. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, clinical evaluations, and therapy for adults, teens, children, and couples Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. Peer pressure is nothing new, especially among teens and adolescents. The influence peers wield on their social circle has long been associated with driving behavior—both good habits and bad habits. For example, seeing a friend drink, smoke, use drugs, bully others, or binge eat increases the likelihood of engaging in that behavior oneself. Experts call this “social contagion.” Sadly, it also applies to self-harm. This is especially alarming in light of the dramatic increase in self-injury among teens since the pandemic began. According to an analysis of healthcare claims by FAIR Health, claims for intentional self-harm as a percentage of all medical claims for adolescents aged 13-18 skyrocketed by 99.8% in April 2020 compared to April 2019. Experts suggest the number of teens engaging in nonsuicidal self-injury could continue to increase. Seeing a friend drink, smoke, use drugs, bully others or binge eat increases the likelihood of engaging in that behavior oneself. Experts call this “social contagion.” Sadly, it also applies to self-harm.
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WHAT IS NONSUICIDAL SELF-INJURY?

Nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI) is the act of purposely harming oneself without the intention of taking one’s own life. People who hurt themselves often have a history of adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse, being bullied, childhood neglect, or sexual assault. They may turn to cutting, skin-picking, burning, or other forms of self-mutilation as a way to numb their emotional pain. NSSI is most frequently seen in adolescents and young adults. Research in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health indicates that 17% of adolescents report at least one incident of self-harm. That’s higher than the 15% of college students who say they have engaged in self-injury at least once, according to a 2011 study in the Journal of College Health. And it’s more than 3 times higher than 5% of adults reporting self-harm. Approximately 65% of those who engage in NSSI are female, but experts suggest the behavior is likely underreported in males.

STUDY FINDS SELF-HARM IS SOCIALLY CONTAGIOUS

Long-standing research shows that among adolescents, exposure to a peer’s suicidal behaviors raises the chances of dangerous copycat actions. Newer findings in a 2020 Canadian study in Acta Psychiatrica Scandanavica indicate that having knowledge of a friend’s nonsuicidal self-injury is significantly associated with an adolescent’s own involvement with self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts. In this study, researchers administered the following 3 questions about NSSI and suicidal behavior to 1,483 Canadian adolescents ages 14-17. Based on the responses, females indicated awareness of a friend’s self-harm at a rate of nearly 3-to-1 compared to males. Compared to boys, girls also reported higher rates of their own engagement in NSSI (girls 11.4%, boys 3.4%), suicidal thoughts (girls 8.5%, boys 4.3%), and suicide attempts (girls 4.8%, boys 2.3%).

SELF-HARM AND MENTAL HEALTH

A wealth of scientific evidence shows that NSSI is associated with other mental health conditions. Among people who engage in self-harm may also struggle with issues such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), borderline personality disorder, substance abuse, eating disorders, dissociative disorders, or obsessive compulsive disorder. The team of Canadian researchers also analyzed mental health status and its effect on NSSI, assessing any diagnoses for major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders, ADHD, oppositional disorder, or conduct disorder. They found that adolescents who met the criteria for an anxiety disorder or depression were more likely to say they knew a friend who had been involved in self-harming behaviors. Those with some form of anxiety—including certain phobias—ranked highest with 28.6% reporting knowing a friend who engaged in self-injury. Among teens with depression, 20.4% said they knew peers who tried to hurt themselves. Engaging in NSSI as an adolescent also has detrimental effects on mental health in adulthood, according to findings in a 2020 study in European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. In this study, researchers followed students in grades 7-8 for 10 years. Compared to youngsters who did not engage in NSSI, those who repeatedly injured themselves as adolescents exhibited significantly higher rates of anxiety, stress, NSSI, and problems with emotional regulation a decade later.

HELPING TEENS PREVENT OR HEAL FROM SELF-INJURY

Preventing and healing from self-harm is possible. Recognizing that NSSI is socially contagious is an important step in identifying an adolescent’s risk for self-injurious behaviors. Providing teens with strategies to handle peer pressure—for example, saying no like they mean it, disagreeing respectfully, or asking questions—can be beneficial in the prevention of this increasingly common problem. It is equally critical for parents to know the warning signs of self-harm, including scars, frequent cuts or bruises, far-fetched tales about how an injury occurred, wearing long sleeves even in summer, carrying sharp objects, declining academic performance, and social withdrawal. In addition, addressing any co-occurring mental health issues should be part of an NSSI treatment plan. Investigating brain health with functional brain imaging may also be beneficial as it can reveal underlying abnormal activity. A 2019 brain imaging study found decreased brain function in regions of the brain that play a role in emotional regulation. Finding solutions that enhance overall brain health and emotional well-being is key to overcoming nonsuicidal self-harm. Self-harm, suicidal thoughts and behaviors, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever, and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. Intense emotions. Mood instability. Impulsivity. These are characteristic symptoms of borderline personality disorder… and bipolar disorder. Because they share some overlapping symptoms, these two psychiatric conditions are sometimes confused. Making things even murkier is the fact that they may be co-occurring, meaning a person can have both conditions simultaneously. Research in Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience shows that approximately 1 in 5 people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) also has bipolar disorder (BD), and about 30% of those with BD were also diagnosed with BPD. But the two disorders are not the same. Here are the basics you need to know about each of them. Intense emotions. Mood instability. Impulsivity. These are characteristic symptoms of borderline personality disorder…and of bipolar disorder. Because they share overlapping symptoms, these two conditions are sometimes confused.
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WHAT IS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a type of personality disorder that is associated with instability in moods, emotions, self-image, and relationships. Impulsivity and strong emotional reactions are also common in this condition, which affects an estimated 1.6% to 5.9% of the population. Women account for 75% of those diagnosed with BPD, but experts suggest that the disorder may be underdiagnosed in men. Males who report symptoms of BPD are more likely to be misdiagnosed with issues such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression.

WHAT IS BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder characterized by significant changes in mood, energy, and activity levels that shift in a cyclical pattern. The highs are known as manic episodes while the lows are called depressive episodes. An estimated 6 million American men and women are affected by the condition, which is also seen in kids and teens.

SYMPTOMS OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

Borderline personality disorder is associated with a wide variety of symptoms, including:

SYMPTOMS OF BIPOLAR DISORDER

People with the condition typically experience a broad range of symptoms. During manic episodes, symptoms may include: During depressive episodes, symptoms may include:

CAUSES OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND BIPOLAR DISORDER

Research points to a number of factors that may contribute to the development of BPD or BD, including:

BRAIN IMAGING IN BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND BIPOLAR DISORDER

Brain SPECT imaging, which measures blood flow and activity, reveals abnormal brain activity in people with BPD and/or BD. On brain scans, borderline personality disorder is often associated with abnormal activity in the fear and emotional centers of the brain. In addition, SPECT reveals that mild traumatic brain injuries are a major cause of psychiatric symptoms, including many of the same changes in mood, personality, and behavior that are seen in people with BPD or BD. Brain scans are also helpful in detecting co-existing conditions.

TREATING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND BIPOLAR DISORDER

There is hope for people who are struggling with BPD and/or BD. With an accurate diagnosis and a comprehensive treatment plan that may include medication (as necessary), nutritional supplements, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes, people with these conditions can minimize and manage symptoms. Research in Archives of General Psychiatry found that 85% of people who sought treatment for BPD no longer met the criteria for the disorder 10 years later. A pair of studies from 2017 found that enhancing resilience and self-management in bipolar disorder improved treatment success. Borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. How many times have you predicted the way you will feel about something in the future and been right? For example, think about something you really want to get. If you’re a fashionista, perhaps it’s buying a new pair of the trendiest shoes. If you’re really into music, maybe it’s buying tickets to a concert you’ve been wanting to see. As you anticipate such things to come, you may feel really pumped up about them, believing they will make you feel just as happy when you get them as you do right now by simply thinking about them. This type of projection is called affective forecasting. The term affect refers to emotions. People commonly predict how they will feel when they acquire, achieve, do, or otherwise enhance their life. This makes sense in many ways and motivates us to be driven toward whatever the thing is that we want. What’s interesting though is that once you get what you wanted you aren’t going to feel quite as happy as you thought you would. The opposite is also true. A future event that you are not looking forward to because you’re sure it’s going to make you feel terrible, ends up being only moderately unpleasant.

We Unintentionally Exaggerate

The big problem with predicting how you’ll feel in the future is that you are projecting emotions based on how you feel in the present. Quite often those emotions are exaggerated, and most of the time they end up being off the mark. Since our lives are multi-faceted and influenced by many things at once, it’s very difficult to know exactly how you will feel down the road. Not to say that desiring things is necessarily bad, rather it is the emotional power we mistakenly assign to the feelings about them that is misleading and can subsequently diminish our satisfaction quotient. We’re usually pretty good at being able to predict in advance whether an event or situation is likely to be good or unpleasant. However, we’re not very skilled at accurately predicting what the intensity of our emotions will be nor how long they will last. This is due to impact bias which is our tendency to overestimate how good or bad something in the future will make us feel. One of the contributing factors for this kind of bias is the knack we have for focusing on a singular positive aspect of what it is to come while underestimating the concurrent demands of other things like responsibilities at home or work. For example, you and a group of friends plan a long weekend getaway. The excitement and joy you have about the fun you’ll have together overrides your thoughts about any negative implications, such as the cost of the trip or returning home on a red-eye flight.

It’s Not as Bad—or as Good—as You Predict

Aside from very stressful situations such as the death of a loved one or divorce, when we think about something bad happening in the future—like not getting a highly coveted job offer—we tend to overestimate how awful we will feel. This is because we accommodate rather quickly to changes in our circumstances. Through processes like reasoning, positive beliefs, and attribution to external forces, our psychological immune system helps us to recover from disappointing or otherwise negative events. In unconscious ways it helps us to adapt, so we’re likely to justify the loss by convincing ourselves that: So, what we initially predicted to be feeling really horrible, isn’t quite so terrible after all. We make similar unconscious accommodations with positive events too. For instance, today you might be projecting a sense of happiness for when you acquire or achieve something you really want. However, once it actually happens, it becomes integrated into your life, and though it’s still positive, the intensity of those predicted positive emotions starts to diminish and wear off surprisingly quickly. So, while the outcome is still a good one, your degree of happiness or satisfaction did not increase as much as you had anticipated it would.

Are You a Debbie-Downer?

Of note, if you’re almost always projecting feelings about the future with a glass-half-empty perspective, you might be what’s known as a negative forecaster. This mindset is consistent with certain mental health issues such as depression, which can cause people to lose their joy, interest in things, and hope for the future. Negative forecasting is also common in people with anxiety, who tend to be more fearful and predict the worst outcome for situations. Conversely, the tendency to believe you are going to feel good in the future is called positive forecasting and research has found it to be associated with a greater sense of well-being and resilience from stress. Seeing the future with a glass-half-empty perspective is called negative forecasting and is found in people with depression and anxiety. Conversely, positive forecasting is associated with a greater sense of well-being and resilience.
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3 Ways to Be More Realistic About Your Future Feelings

Although it can be challenging, it’s important to practice being more accurate in predicting how you will feel in the future because it can have a significant bearing on important decisions you make. If you’re considering a relocation, career change, getting married, or any life-changing event, be aware of the natural human tendency to be incorrect about how you will ultimately feel. To help guide you, here are 3 things you can do:
  1. Be sure you consider the pros and cons of things you desire so you can be more realistic about the emotional impact of your choices.
  2. To help temper miscalculations, talking to others and getting objective perspectives about how the things you want—or what you want to avoid—will likely make you feel when the future arrives.
  3. Don’t rush important decisions. Write down your thoughts in a journal over a period of time to help you stay in a more cognitive frame of mind, rather than letting your emotions dictate your decisions because emotions naturally fluctuate.
If you’re suffering with symptoms of anxiety, depression, or other mental health problems, at Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. Although clinical cases of patients with alternate personalities were documented and treated by physicians and psychoanalysts in the early 1900s, dissociative identity disorder (DID) was not officially recognized as a distinct psychiatric condition until 1980. By that time, the 3rd edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) was published and the impact of trauma on brain development and psychological functioning had become more widely recognized. Despite the skeptics who supported unsubstantiated myths about DID as a true diagnosis—including that it was a fad disorder, extremely uncommon, or caused by suggestion—we know today that it is a very real and often misunderstood mental health condition. In an effort to bring more awareness to this condition, actress AnnaLynne McCord chose to speak openly publicly about her own DID diagnosis and allowed her visit to Amen Clinics to be filmed. DID used to be called multiple personality disorder and is found in approximately 1% of the population. While there are other possible contributing causes of DID, such as war and natural disasters, it is estimated that 90% of cases are brought on by extreme physical, emotional, or childhood sexual abuse.

Dissociative Identity Disorder Evolves as a Coping Mechanism

The human brain isn’t fully developed until approximately age 25. After birth, a child’s brain goes through many stages of growth that are reflected in their beliefs and behaviors and based on the developmental stage in which they are. When children are subjected to abuse or other trauma, they don’t possess the coping skills that an adult would normally have to help manage the emotions and psychological processes of what is happening to them. They will instinctively find ways to cope the best way they can under the circumstances. When children are subjected to abuse or other trauma, they don’t possess the coping skills that an adult would have to help manage the emotions and psychological processes of what is happening to them.
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For example, a young child who is the target of repeated sexual abuse by a parent may project the experience onto someone else inside her mind as though it isn’t happening to her real self. Dissociating from the experience occurs unconsciously to help her get through the trauma while blocking out the horror of it. Her young brain cannot process nor accept what is happening, yet she must find a way to survive without being overwhelmed by the emotions and shame that threaten to engulf her. In an appropriately developmental way, her brain creates an alternate identity that gives her a way to cope.

Alternate Personalities

In cases of DID, a person will have a core personality and at least one “alter,” although it’s not unusual for someone to have several. The alters have specific personality traits and may be of different ages or genders and have attitudes, behaviors, capabilities, and mannerisms that differ from the core personality. Although there are varying reasons for switching from one personality to another, stress or reminders of the abuse and trauma are common triggers. Again, this is an unconscious process that serves the need to be protected from the past traumatic experiences a person was subjected to.

Common Symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Although symptoms often begin in childhood, research has found that it can take 6 to 12 years after seeking treatment for DID to be properly diagnosed. Aside from a practitioner’s potential lack of knowledge about the disorder, another reason for this is because people with DID—as with other trauma-based disorders—often have a number of co-occurring conditions, including: The overt symptoms of these conditions may often be the focus of treatment, while other symptoms that are clinically consistent with the diagnosis of DID may be overlooked or not recognized. These include:

Diagnosis and Treatment of Dissociative Identity Disorder

In cases where DID is suspected but not confirmed, a psychotherapist or psychiatrist can utilize reliable clinical assessment tools, such as the Structured Clinical Interview for Dissociative Disorders (SCID-D) or the Dissociative Disorders Interview Schedule (DDIS) to obtain additional diagnostic information. Some people with DID may initially be reluctant to talk to their doctor or psychotherapist about their alternate personalities. While embarrassment or shame may inhibit them from disclosing this information, another reason may be that doing so gets too close to the traumatic memories, which by virtue of their alters, they have had some degree of protection. It’s understandable. A very common reaction in therapy for those who have endured trauma is a tendency to try and minimize or skirt around certain issues or feelings, because of the sense of overwhelm they engender.

Healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder is Possible

With an experienced practitioner, a person suffering from DID can begin the healing process, but it must be appropriately paced and not rushed. Helping the patient to develop greater emotional stability and a sense of psychological and physical safety is the first step. Once that has been attained, then the process of working through the painful traumatic experiences can begin. Over time, as those memories are assimilated and better managed, learning how to live and cope in the present—without dissociation and splitting—can be practiced and achieved. Dissociative identity disorder, emotional trauma, and other mental health problems can be treated. During this time of uncertainty, your mental well-being is more important than ever. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. Is your child or teen displaying physical aggression—fighting at school, pushing and shoving their siblings, hitting the dog, or biting you? It can be distressing and may leave you feeling scared of your own child. Many parents with aggressive, volatile, or hostile kids are at a loss to correct the behavior. You may have tried disciplining them using recommended parenting strategies but without success. When nothing seems to work in terms of overcoming physical aggression, it’s time to look for hidden causes.

Here are 8 underlying factors that can trigger aggression in children and teens.

1. ADD/ADHD

In kids and teens with ADD/ADHD, impulsiveness is a core characteristic that can lead to aggressive behavior. These youngsters act on impulse without thinking about the consequences of their behavior and are more likely to get into fights or altercations. Brain SPECT imaging studies at Amen Clinics, which has the world’s largest database of functional brain scans related to behavior, show that ADD/ADHD is associated with low blood flow in the prefrontal cortex. This brain region is involved with impulse control, and low activity here is linked to impulsivity. Fix it: Children and teens with ADD/ADHD can benefit from increased blood flow to the brain with intense exercise, a higher-protein and lower-carbohydrate diet, and supplements that boost dopamine (such as green tea and rhodiola). In addition, it’s critical to know your child’s ADD/ADHD type. The brain imaging work at Amen Clinics has helped identify 7 types of ADD.

2. Mood disorders

Young people with bipolar disorder frequently exhibit aggression when they are in the manic phase. Similarly, high levels of aggressive behavior have been noted in adolescents with depression, according to research in the Journal of the American Academy of Adolescent Psychiatry. Fix it: Seeking treatment for major depressive disorder and other mood disorders is essential, but be aware that there are multiple types of depression. Knowing your child’s type can help you get the right treatment plan.

3. Conduct disorders

This is a serious emotional and behavioral problem that is characterized by aggression, violence, and hostility. These kids may bite, hit, push, or bully others. They may also set fires, exhibit cruelty to animals, or vandalize property. Fix it: Conduct disorder can be manageable with the right treatment plan and family support.

4. Learning disorders and communication problems

Adolescents with learning disabilities or communication issues, such autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or Asperger’s syndrome (now referred to as high-functioning autism), can become anxious or frustrated when they can’t express their feelings. This can lead them to lash out. Fix it: Address learning issues and seek treatment for ASD. Diet can be very important for children with autism, so be sure you know the 5 foods that make autism worse.

5. Head injuries

Children and teens who have experienced a concussion or repetitive blows to the head (such as from tackle football or heading soccer balls) may have underlying damage to the brain. From 2010 to 2015, concussion diagnoses in kids ages 10-19 jumped by 71%, according to a 2016 study by Blue Cross Blue Shield. Areas commonly damaged include the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in impulse control, empathy, and judgment, as well as the temporal lobes, which are involved in mood stability and temper control. Damage to these areas is associated with impulsivity and temper problems. Fix it: Getting a functional brain SPECT imaging scan can help identify areas of damage that can be optimized. Healing the brain after a concussion is possible with a variety of therapies, including hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT), neurofeedback, nutritional supplements, and more.

6. Being the victim of physical or sexual abuse

A 2016 study in the Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma found that 72% of childhood abuse victims engaged in physical aggression. Fix it: Talk to your children and let them know it’s okay to open up to you about any abuse they may be experiencing. If you suspect an issue but can’t get them to share what’s going on, have them talk to a mental health professional.

7. Drug or alcohol use

Consuming alcohol or doing drugs negatively impacts brain function and can interfere with healthy brain development. This can contribute to poor decision-making, impulsivity, and lack of empathy, which can combine to create aggression. Fix it: If your child has a problem with addiction, get them into a brain-centered addiction treatment plan.

8. Food allergies

In some children and teens, food sensitivities can lead to a wide range of issues, including aggressive behavior, irritability, hyperactivity, anxiety, low moods, fatigue, and more. Some of the most common food allergens include gluten, dairy, sugar, corn, and soy, as well as artificial dyes (such as red dye 40), sweeteners, and preservatives. Fix it: Put your child on an elimination diet by removing these potential allergens for one month. Then re-introduce them one at a time to see if any of them cause a reaction. Aggression and the underlying mental health factors that contribute to it can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. At the beginning of 2020, Brenda and Craig, both in their mid-60s, were loving life as empty nesters, and the world seemed wide open with possibilities. The couple started taking road trips—something they couldn’t do when their kids were living at home and had to be shuttled to their sports events and school activities. When COVID-19 began spreading across the globe, they didn’t really feel much concern. In their midwestern town, they didn’t know anybody who had gotten sick, so they continued road tripping. A few months into the pandemic, however, they started getting frantic calls from their youngest daughter Rachelle, 32, who was a New York City attorney living on her own in a Manhattan apartment. She had gotten laid off and was anxious about the spike in COVID-19 cases and deaths in her area. She felt stressed about her dwindling finances, lack of job prospects, and aching loneliness. On one of those phone calls, Rachelle blurted out, “I can’t take it anymore! I’m moving back home!” Brenda and Craig were thrilled to have their daughter move back home and welcomed her with open arms, but the new living situation wasn’t as smooth as they anticipated. And it was equally trying for their daughter. Understandably, their youngest child felt bad about losing her job, her apartment, and her independence. Brenda and Craig also felt like they’d lost their freedom too. And Rachelle fell back into old patterns, expecting her mom to do everything for her—the laundry, cooking, and cleaning—which made Brenda resentful. Craig was concerned about his daughter’s behavior. She watched the news or scrolled the internet for pandemic information 24/7, which just ramped up her anxiety. He thought she was overreacting and suspected that her constant handwashing and sanitizing might be a sign of obsessive compulsive disorder. Their mismatched anxiety levels created a lot of tension that led to arguments. That’s when Brenda and Craig reached out to Amen Clinics for help. They’re not alone. A growing number of families have been coming to the clinics for help coping with the stress of adult children moving back home. You may be struggling with the same situation whether you’re the parent or the adult child.

RECORD NUMBERS OF ADULTS MOVING BACK IN WITH PARENTS

Since the pandemic hit in 2020, millions of Americans have made a major change they didn’t anticipate—moving back home with their parents. According to the Pew Research Center, show that by July 2020, 26.6 million 18- to 29-year-olds were living with their folks, an increase of 2.6 million since February of that same year. It’s the highest percentage of young adults living with their parents since the Great Depression. The Gen Z crowd, Millennials, and Gen Xers are discovering that life with the ’rents comes with a host of stressors and new struggles. And on the flip side, the Baby Boomers who are welcoming them back home are facing their own set of challenges. A loss of independence, unresolved issues from the past, and a lack of privacy are just some of the factors that can make you bristle, regardless of whether you’re the adult child or the parent. Feelings of anxiety, depression, and worry about the pandemic, finances, and health can compound the stresses and make you feel like you’re living in a pressure cooker. How can you cope with the issues that arise from suddenly living in a multigenerational household? As Brenda, Craig, and their daughter learned at Amen Clinics, one of the best ways to improve relationships is with a communication strategy psychiatrists call RELATING. Here’s how to put it into action.

RELATING FOR A STRESS-LESS LIFE

R for Responsibility

This is the ability to respond to any situation. In all your dealings with the people living in your household, ask yourself what you can do to respond in a healthy, positive way.

E for Empathy

Having the ability to feel what others are feeling enhances relationships. Before blurting out something that may be hurtful to others, take a breath and think about where they are coming from and what they may be feeling. If you or your family members are struggling with anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, drug or alcohol problems, or other mental health issues, keep that in mind and encourage them to seek treatment if necessary.

L for Listening

Being a good listener and having effective communication skills is so important in getting along with family members, especially when you’re all living under the same roof. Put down your phone and actively listen to what others are saying.

A for Assertiveness

Expressing thoughts in a firm yet reasonable way is one of the keys to creating healthy boundaries at home. Firm doesn’t mean being aggressive or yelling. Be firm while also being kind, calm, and clear.

T for Time

To strengthen your relationships at home, you need to devote actual physical time to it. In these unprecedented times, however, you may find you have too much time together. If this is the case, find ways to get some alone time by taking a walk outside or scheduling quiet time for reading or meditating. Create a family schedule where you can note your “me time,” and be sure to respect others’ self-care time.

I for Inquiry

Questioning and correcting negative thoughts and thinking patterns regarding your family members is critical to creating a less stressful living situation. If your mind is filled with a lot of ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)—such as mind-reading ANTs (assuming you know what others are thinking without asking them), fortune-telling ANTs (predicting the worst), or blaming ANTs (blaming others for your situation)—it’s time to rethink your thinking.

N for Noticing

Make an effort to notice what you like about family members more than what you don’t like about them. When you direct your mind to look for the positive, it will help create a happier environment.

G Is for Grace and forgiveness

If you have trouble getting over past hurts or unresolved issues, find healthy ways to move forward. Giving grace and forgiving others isn’t about letting them get away with something, it is more about helping you heal and feel better. Family issues, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. As scientists and researchers continue their ongoing work into the impact of the COVID-19 crisis, it has become blatantly clear that mental health problems are rising in the United States and around the world. This increase is not only in people with pre-existing mental illness or some of those who already survived the virus, but the psychological distress has also impacted a number of people who had never before been diagnosed with a psychiatric condition. This news is almost enough to make anyone anxious or depressed! Since the start of the pandemic, The National Center for Health Statistics is one of the institutions that has been tracking this information using the Household Pulse Survey. As of April 2021, results from their data collection show that 35% of U.S. adults have reported having symptoms of anxiety or depression every day or nearly half the days. From a comparison perspective, from January to June 2019 only 11% of people reported having the same symptoms. Another survey, a poll from the Kaiser Family Foundation, reported that as of March 2021, 47% of people continue to have adverse mental health problems from pandemic-related stress and anxiety. These distressing statistics may have you wondering if this is simply the new normal and if you should just resign yourself to a life filled with angst. The answer is a resounding NO!

Pandemic Causes of Psychological Distress

Just when it seemed like we were starting to get ahead, certain states have cases surging again as more contagious variants proliferate. This, of course, may extend some of the struggles many people have been trying to manage for the past year, such as: It appears that younger adults, particularly women—and especially those with children at home—are struggling more with worry and stress during the pandemic. Aside from the concerns listed above, their normally higher need for social interactions with peers may be making them more vulnerable, because our time spent with others can often help buffer mental health symptoms. Getting together with friends, going to a gym, attending religious services, and community events have all been curbed to some extent in most places. With these normal outlets unavailable to many people right now, it is no wonder that rates of mental illness have been growing. Are you concerned about yourself or a loved one?

Symptoms of Anxiety and Depression

While everyone has a bad day on occasion, when the following symptoms occur regularly, it could be an indication that anxiety or depressive disorder has developed. Common Symptoms of Anxiety Common Symptoms of Depression Not everyone will have all the symptoms for either anxiety and/or depression, but even having a few of them can be a red flag that should not be overlooked. Reaching out to get professional help for treatment is an important first step to take so you can start feeling better. Even having a few symptoms of anxiety and/or depression can be a red flag that should not be overlooked. Reaching out to get professional help for treatment is an important first step to take so you can start feeling better.
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3 Lifestyle Strategies to Manage Stress, Worries, and Depressed Mood

To further support your mental health, the following 3 lifestyle strategies can help improve your symptoms and bring more balance into your brain and body even in the wake of a pandemic:
  1. Pay attention to your automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) because they are likely adding to your distress. Notice if you tend to think in terms of always or never, or if you predict the worst outcome for everything. You can learn to manage these ANTs by doing some reality testing using a simple technique borrowed from Byron Katie:
Start by identifying what the negative or stressful thought is, then ask yourself the following questions about it: Then turn around your thought to its opposite and see if it isn’t actually truer than your original thought. Use a journal to write down each ANT and your answers to the questions. By practicing this, you can reduce the control they have over how you feel each day.
  1. Choose more nutritious foods and eat at regular intervals. This helps to stabilize your blood sugar and properly fuel your brain and body, which in turn can support your mental health.
Include foods like these: And stay away from these:
  1. Exercise regularly in any way you can. Whether it’s walking—even just around the block, hiking, jogging, swimming, biking, yoga, or lifting weights at the gym, exercise is a natural antidepressant and anti-anxiety treatment. It boosts chemicals in the brain that reduce pain and stress and lift your mood.
We must continue navigating the persistent challenges brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic—at least for the foreseeable future. Therefore, by reaching out for help when you need it and incorporating healthy lifestyle strategies like these, you can start to reduce your symptoms and build more resilience as you move forward during these unpredictable times. It’s up to you to create your own version of the new normal. Anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems can’t wait. During this time of uncertainty, your mental well-being is more important than ever. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” —Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy Everyone comes face to face with grief at some point in their lifetime. Grief and loss can be overwhelming, leaving you with a range of emotions—sorrow, loneliness, helplessness, anger, guilt, numbness, emptiness, or all of the above. Suffering a loss can also cause physical symptoms, such as nausea or digestive issues, sleeplessness, headaches, fatigue, muscle tension, and chest pain. It’s also associated with anxiety, depression, and memory loss. In most cases after a loss, feelings of grief eventually subside, but for some people, they linger and make it difficult to get on with your life. Mental health professionals call this “complicated grief” or “prolonged grief,” and it can prevent you from getting back to work, taking care of your home, or maintaining healthy relationships with family and friends. In most cases after a loss, feelings of grief eventually subside, but for some people they linger and make it difficult to get on with your life. Mental health professionals call this “complicated grief” or “prolonged grief.”
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In cases of complicated grief, you may be following everyday advice in an effort to cope with your feelings. What you may not realize is that many commonly held beliefs about the grieving process could actually be intensifying your pain and making it last longer than necessary. It can leave you wondering if the grieving will ever end.

IS THERE A GRIEF TIMELINE?

There are no hard and fast rules regarding a grief timeline, and everybody grieves at their own pace. Some people feel like they’re drowning in sorrow and pain for months, years, or even decades after a loss. Others cope more quickly. Anything that reminds you of the loss—a place, a song, a routine (making coffee in the morning)—can dredge up painful feelings. Special occasions, such as birthdays, Mother’s Day, or Father’s Day, can be especially trying. We asked Amen Clinics patients to describe what grief feels like and how long the process took. You may relate to what they said. I was married for 35 years and my wife died in a bicycle accident. Six months later, I was able to work and take care of the dogs, but the hole in my heart hurt the most when I went to bed alone at night. I would wake up crying in the mornings. One of my friends told me to ‘just move on.’ (This is an example of one of the worst things to say to a grieving person.) I lost my teenage daughter almost 20 years ago, and the grief is still palpable. At first, it felt like a tsunami that would smother me, but as the years went by, it became more like a rhythmic wave. Every once in a while, though, a rogue wave comes out of nowhere, and I’m completely overwhelmed again. My dad died 5 years ago, and I keep thinking it’s supposed to get easier as time goes by. But that’s not the case. As my two young sons grow up, I miss him even more because I wish he were here as a role model for my boys. I thought I was coping pretty well after losing my best friend (we had been friends since we were in junior high) to cancer a year ago. But I heard a song she loved the other day on the radio, and the wounds opened up and felt raw again. I had to pull the car over and cry on the side of the road. I was a wreck the rest of the day. I feel embarrassed to tell people this, but I’m still grieving the loss of my dog. I had to put him down 2 years ago, and my heart is still shattered. He was my constant companion, and he provided unconditional love. I was so bonded to my furbaby. When I try to explain it to people, they say, “Oh, you can just get another dog.” No, I can’t just replace him. He was special to me. My wife died by suicide, and I have been wracked by guilt ever since, thinking there must have been something I could have done to prevent it. 

7 COMMON MYTHS THAT PROLONG GRIEF

In working with our patients at Amen Clinics, we have found that there are several commonly held beliefs about grief that actually prolong the process and make it more painful.

1. Wait to start the healing process.

People often say you should wait to heal from grief, but this prolongs the process. If you fell and broke your arm, when would you want to start healing? Immediately! This doesn’t mean healing will be quick—it rarely is—but it’s important to start the process.

2. Accepting the loss is the final stage of grief.

Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross wrote about the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Waiting to go through these stages to arrive at acceptance will extend your grief. It is better to turn the 5 stages upside down—admit your loss, find peace, stop bargaining for something that will not change, reengage with others to avoid depression, and refuse to accept prolonged pain as a given.

3. It’s normal that you can’t sleep, so don’t try to fix it.

Grief often steals sleep. Insomnia decreases blood flow to the prefrontal cortex (PFC) in the front part of the brain. The PFC sends signals to quiet or calm your emotional brain; when it is weak, your emotions can get the best of you, and it is harder to make good decisions throughout the day. A healthier approach is to try a combination of melatonin (1 mg), vitamin B6 (10 mg), magnesium (100 mg), GABA (300 mg), 5-HTP (50 mg), and theanine (100 mg) to help promote grief-related sleep.

4. Avoid thinking about what happened.

In one study, bereaved people who had lost someone to accidental death or homicide wrote for 15 minutes a day for 4 days. One group wrote about the loss; the other was asked to write about something trivial. Afterward, those who had written about the loss reported less anxiety and depression and greater grief recovery than those who had written about trivialities. Spend 15 minutes a day for 4 days getting the story out, making sure to list both the positives (“He is no longer suffering”) and the negatives (“I miss him so much it hurts”) of the situation to promote healthy grieving.

5. Focus only on the good things.

Too often, when people had a complicated relationship with someone who passes, they try to remember only the good times and completely ignore the bad ones. Remembering an unbalanced situation prolongs grief. Instead, remember the positive and make peace with the rest.

6. Keep your chin up and stifle your tears.

Holding back from crying in an effort to appear resilient isn’t helpful. When we bottle our feelings and refuse to cry, our emotional brain becomes inflamed. After someone has died, it is healthy to let the tears flow freely.

7. Expect to get over the loss quickly.

If you believe the grieving process should be quick and painless, you’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment, frustration, and unresolved issues. Be patient. Grief is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself as you work through the hard times and be patient with others too. Prolonged or complicated grief, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here. Although Damion is almost 21, he isn’t interested in staying long at a regular job. He finds them either boring or unmotivating. Instead, he aspires to be a star on YouTube with his singing and dancing. Ironically, even though he believes he has the talent to become successful on social media, he makes minimal effort to even work on his pipedream. He blames his failure to launch on his mother and stepfather for not understanding and supporting his dreams and their refusal to buy him the equipment he wants to make music. Instead, Damion stays up all night watching YouTube, sleeps until 1:00 pm, and then plays video games and vapes all day long—which is definitely not helping him. Brain images have shown that vaping lowers activity in the part of the brain involved with focus, attention, and other important aspects of executive function. Damion’s mother, Carrie, loves him very much and felt sorry for him because when he was younger, his father was in jail and wasn’t able to be in his life very much. She also felt guilty for frequently needing to move for new jobs she got trying to make ends meet. Because of this, Damion had to change schools regularly and there was limited stability in his life. He also had a terrible anger problem and often fought with other kids, resulting in suspensions from school. When Damion was mad, he would punch walls and throw chairs if he didn’t get his own way—and is still prone to anger when his demands aren’t met. Because of her guilt about Damion’s unstable childhood, whenever he would act out, Carrie would bribe him into good behavior by giving or buying him whatever he wanted. She continues to do this, and even still buys his vape cartridges for him.

Special, Spoiled, and Entitled Dragons

Damion has what Dr. Daniel Amen refers to as the “Special, Spoiled, or Entitled Dragons.” And this is a big problem for the family. However, Damion’s sense of entitlement didn’t develop in a vacuum. In his newly released book, Your Brain is Always Listening, Dr. Amen teaches us about the dragons that breathe fire onto our emotional brain and steal our joy and contentment while driving unhealthy behaviors. He describes 13 different “Dragons from the Past” that stem from the personal stories we tell ourselves based on our experiences earlier in life. Carrie placated her son’s anger by giving in to him, which taught Damion that he was entitled to whatever it is that he wanted. The Special, Spoiled, or Entitled Dragons cause people to believe they are extra special—even more special than others. People who harbor this type of dragon have a strong need for attention, lack empathy for other people, and tend to blame others for their shortcomings. They respond with tantrums, anger, or rudeness when: Carrie, on the other hand, has her own “untamed” Dragons from the Past that largely led to the development of Damion’s unremitting sense of entitlement. According to Dr. Amen, she is dealing with Responsible Dragons and Should and Shaming Dragons.

Responsible Dragons

Those with the Responsible Dragons feel a sense of responsibility for the pain of others and are easily triggered when they perceive someone is in need of their help. Their inclination to be the fixer, caretaker, or codependent person causes them to do too much for other people, who then become dependent on them. This in turn breeds entitlement for the recipient as well as resentment and long-term stress for the person with Responsible Dragons.

Should and Shaming Dragons

The Should and Shaming Dragons arise when a person grows up in a culture of guilt where they might have been humiliated, belittled, judged, or criticized. This can happen if a person was raised in an environment with strong moral teachings, rules, and laws, as well as in certain religions. In these situations, shaming is often used as a strong motivator to get people to comply. Those with Should and Shaming Dragons tend to be triggered by disapproval from someone important to them, such as a family member or a boss. When that happens, it can cause feelings of guilt, distress, and a need to be submissive—among other problems.

The Clashing of Untamed Dragons

Responsible Dragons plus Should and Shaming Dragons tend to spawn Special, Spoiled, and Entitled Dragons. Therefore, it is no surprise that Damion has an inflated sense of entitlement but has very little self-efficacy, yet Carrie is wracked with guilt and worry for wanting him to change. Even though she now sees him as extremely lazy and unprepared for real life because of how she raised him, she can’t seem to stop her ongoing enabling and overprotective behaviors with him. Responsible Dragons and Should and Shaming Dragons tend to spawn Special, Spoiled, and Entitled Dragons, so it’s not unusual for a child to develop an inflated sense of entitlement, but have very little self-efficacy.
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There is hope though! Once Carrie learns how to “tame” her own Dragons from the Past using the strategies Dr. Amen specifies in the book, she can teach Damion how to tame his too. With the support of her husband, it is possible to make positive changes in their lives and help Damion become more comfortable with acting his age and taking greater responsibility for himself. Your Brain Is Always Listening is written by psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and New York Times bestselling author Daniel G. Amen, MD. In this book, Dr. Amen equips you with powerful weapons to battle the inner dragons that are breathing fire on your brain, driving unhealthy behaviors, and robbing you of your joy and contentment. Order your copy here. If you want to join the tens of thousands of Amen Clinics patients who have already tamed their dragons and overcome their behavior problems, symptoms of addiction, anxiety, depression, trauma, and more, speak to a specialist today at 888-609-4318 or visit our contact page here.