6 Secrets to a Healthy Divorce
When you think of divorce, you may envision screaming matches, resentment, and manipulative behavior. A divorce can be one of the most difficult events for a couple, or a family, to go through. Even divorces that start amicably can erupt in anguish as the process unfolds.
However, separating from your spouse doesn’t have to turn into a nasty divorce. Couples can choose more positive and productive ways to work through this difficult event.
Partners who are separating promote a much more peaceful experience simply by using some forethought, kindness, and awareness. Read on for 6 ways you can create a healthy divorce and a happier outcome for the entire family.
Going with the flow, without holding resentments, helps the entire family unit make the transition through divorce far less painful.
HOW COMMON IS DIVORCE?
Divorce is painfully common. Data from the National Center for Health Statistics shows that 673,989 divorces occurred in 2022. In fact, about half of all first marriages end in divorce. Second, third, and subsequent marriages have even higher divorce rates.WHAT IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF DIVORCE?
According to a 2023 Forbes Advisor survey among 1,000 Americans who are divorced or going through the process, there are a variety of reasons for ending a marriage. Lack of family support (43%) and infidelity (34%) were the top 2. The next 3 most common claims each received 31% of respondents’ votes: lack of compatibility, lack of intimacy, and too much conflict/arguing. Other motives that made the list included financial stress, lack of commitment, parenting differences, marrying too young, opposing morals/values, and substance abuse. Additionally, many couples don’t realize the myriad ways in which brain and mental health issues can spark the relationship problems that often lead to the dissolution of marriage. The brain-imaging work at Amen Clinics using SPECT scans shows that underlying brain dysfunction is a common contributor to conflict in relationship. In other words, if you’re facing the pain of divorce, you’re not alone. But you can make the process easier for all parties by adhering to a few basic principles.HOW TO DESIGN A HEALTHY DIVORCE
Keep in mind the following steps to create a healthy divorce process:1. Keep RELATING.
Even though your relationship in its current form is coming to an end, it’s wise to use the same relationship skills you’d want to employ if you were remaining a couple. Remember the acronym RELATING when it comes to fostering healthy relationship habits:- Responsibility: Each person should take responsibility for their actions and contributions.
- Empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
- Listening and good communication: Don’t interrupt, jump to conclusions, or be dismissive.
- Assertiveness: Be clear about your needs while staying calm.
- Time: Remain present and emotionally available when you’re together.
- Inquiring: Ask yourself if your automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) are really true.
- Noticing: Look for positives and share them.
- Grace and forgiveness: Give these to yourself and your partner—often.
2. Face your emotions.
Marital conflict and divorce are bound to bring up a whirlwind of emotion. Partners may feel fear, anger, grief, sadness, hopelessness, overwhelm, and anxiety. They may also feel positive emotions, such as relief, which can bring about feelings of guilt or confusion. Because these emotions can be uncomfortable, many people push them down or stay busy to distract themselves. But remember that feeling is the way toward healing. Find natural ways to process your feelings and boost mood. Taking up a new sport or hobby, journaling, starting psychotherapy or counseling sessions, meditating, or joining support groups can greatly improve your mental health during difficult times. It’s also important to tend to fundamental self-care, including a healthy diet, regular exercise, and proper sleep. Prioritizing these basics ensures you’re in the optimal state to process your emotions and deal with difficulties if they arise.-
Care for any children involved.
- Protect kids from witnessing active conflict, which can increase their risk for negative social or psychological side effects.
- Be honest with your kids about the situation, preferably with both parents speaking to them together.
- Try to prepare children for any changes in advance, such as with sharing custody. When possible, avoid initiating other life changes right after the divorce.
- Don’t badmouth your spouse to your children. Ensure the kids maintain healthy relationships with both parents.
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Explore alternative divorce methods.
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Keep an open mind.
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Acknowledge endings and beginnings.




