7 Ways to Stop Thinking “I’m Not Good Enough”

How is it possible that people who appear to have it all—a successful career, good looks, athleticism, or lots of friends, for example—can feel like they aren’t good enough? Sadly, thinking “I’m not good enough” is a far-too common thought that can plague people of all ages, income levels, education levels, and cultures. This one belief is the mother thought of despair. It can drag you down and ruin your life by breeding anxiety, depression, and in some people, suicidal thoughts and behaviors. And when you don’t feel worthy as a human being, it can make you feel like your life doesn’t matter, which makes you more vulnerable to engaging in unhealthy habits, such as overeating, smoking, drinking too much alcohol, or using drugs. “I’m not good enough.” This one belief is the mother thought of despair. It can drag you down and ruin your life by breeding anxiety, depression, and in some people, suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

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No one is immune to this toxic thought. Look at music superstar Meghan Trainor. She had a #1 song worldwide—something only a handful of people on the globe have ever accomplished—yet she is wracked with worries that she isn’t successful enough. In an episode of Scan My Brain with Dr. Daniel Amen, she revealed that she routinely stresses about her career and forgets about all that success she had from her debut song “All About That Bass.” Do you feel this way too? What’s behind this harmful notion and how can you overcome it?

Here are 7 reasons that fuel thoughts of not being good enough and ways to change your thinking, so you can feel better about yourself.

1. Self-criticism

Are you frequently thinking that you aren’t good enough, that you’re a failure, or that you don’t deserve love? These thoughts are all ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) that infest your mind and steal your happiness. Feel better fast: Don’t believe every self-critical or negative thought you have. Challenge the ANT by asking yourself if the thought is true. Then try to find evidence that the opposite of that thought is more true.

2. Comparing yourself to others

These days, it’s almost impossible not to compare yourself to others on social media. But trying to live up to the images you see online is a recipe for feeling like a failure. Feel better fast: Stop trying to judge yourself based on the success of others. Instead, strive to be the best version of yourself.

3. Focusing on the negative

If you won a game of table tennis by a score of 11-3, would you focus on the 3 points you lost and beat yourself up about what you did wrong? When you focus on what you’re doing wrong or on areas of your life where you don’t measure up, it trains your brain to look for more negativity and keeps you mired in low self-esteem. Feel better fast: Write down the 20 top accomplishments in your life and 5 positive attributes you have and look at it any time you’re feeling down about yourself. By focusing on your strengths and accomplishments, you will develop a healthier self-esteem.

4. Perfectionism

When you believe that the only way others will love you or value you is if you’re perfect, you are setting yourself up for failure, anxiety, and depression. This kind of toxic perfectionism is extremely harmful to your overall emotional well-being. Feel better fast: When you make a mistake, try to treat yourself the same way you would treat a friend or family member. Learn to forgive yourself.

5. Childhood trauma

Experiencing physical or sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, or other traumas as a child can have a lasting negative impact on your sense of self-worth. Feel better fast: Seek help from a professional mental health provider to address any unresolved issues stemming from adverse childhood experiences.

6. Critical parents

While you were a child, was it impossible to please one or both of your parents? Were you criticized about your looks, weight, schoolwork, choice of friends, and other things? For example, if you were proud to come home from school with B-plusses on your report card, did your mom or dad neglect to congratulate your hard work and ask why you didn’t get As? Constant parental criticism can set you up for a lifetime of feeling like you aren’t good enough. Feel better fast: Remember that when parents criticize a child, it often has more to do with their own issues than the child’s. Try not to take their remarks personally.

7. Negative social circle

If you surround yourself with people who are negative and who point out others’ flaws, you will likely adopt that same attitude. Feel better fast: Surround yourself with positive people who are encouraging and supportive, and who lift you up. You will feel better about yourself. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other mental health issues can’t wait. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, clinical evaluations, and therapy for adults, teens, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.