12 Tips for How to Deal with a Narcissist

Tips for How to Deal with a Narcissist
Rather than hoping a narcissist will change, it’s better for you to learn coping strategies to deal with them.

All relationships take work, whether they’re with colleagues, supervisors, friends, family members, or intimate partners. But relationships require even more effort when one person is a narcissist.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is estimated to affect approximately 1%-6% of the population, can be excessively self-centered, feel like they deserve special treatment, and have a need for constant adulation.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms include a lack empathy, which can make these individuals manipulative and demanding. It can be exhausting for the people who work with, live with, or love a narcissist.

If you’re involved with a narcissist or someone who has narcissistic tendencies, you may hope that they will change. But a 2024 study found that you might have to wait decades for that to happen.

According to the meta-analysis of 51 studies, narcissistic traits do tend to soften over time, but it can take 10, 20, or 30 years or more. And the changes tend to be moderate at best.

This means that rather than hoping a narcissist will change, it’s better for you to learn coping strategies to deal with them.

Here are 12 psychiatrist-recommended strategies to help you deal with a narcissist in the workplace, at home, or in a relationship.

WHAT IS A NARCISSIST?

Many individuals may exhibit traits like excessive self-confidence, arrogance, or being overly demanding, but these characteristics alone do not necessarily indicate narcissism. Narcissistic personality disorder involves more extreme levels of these personality traits.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms include the following:

  • An inflated sense of self-importance or grandiosity
  • A lack of empathy for others
  • Feeling entitled
  • A fixation on fantasies about being powerful, successful, beautiful, or intelligent
  • Feeling special/unique
  • A desire for excessive admiration
  • Exploitative behaviors or taking advantage of others
  • Displaying arrogance or haughty attitudes
  • Envying others or believing that others are envious of them

To receive a clinical diagnosis of NPD, a person typically needs to have at least five of these symptoms.

It’s important to understand that narcissism can look different in men and women. For example, a study in Psychiatry Research found that the prevalence rates of the following traits were significantly higher in men compared to women:

  • Lack of empathy
  • Sense of entitlement
  • Interpersonally exploitative
  • Believes he/she is special/unique
  • Preoccupied with fantasies

Among women, the following trait was significantly more common:

  • Being envious

Overall, this mental health disorder is more frequently diagnosed in men, who represent 50%-75% of those affected.

4 WAYS TO COPE WITH A NARCISSIST AT WORK

Narcissism creates a toxic work environment, harms performance, and drives away good talent, according to a wealth of research, including a 2020 study in the Future Business Journal.

Additional findings in a 2021 study in the Academy of Management show that when work leaders display narcissistic traits, it has a negative impact on collaboration and integrity.

If someone on your team at work has trouble taking feedback, requires excessive levels of praise, takes credit for other’s ideas and efforts, or dodges deadlines by blaming others, you may be working with a narcissist.

  1. Get it in writing.

    Narcissists may blame others for their failures or take credit for their coworkers’ accomplishments. To avoid this, be clear about your responsibilities and expectations, as well as those of the narcissist. Put it all in writing, so the narcissist can’t blame you for not doing something that was their responsibility and can’t take credit for your work.
  2. Take a team approach.

    Share documents about work responsibilities with your entire team so everyone can work together to keep the narcissist accountable.
  3. Set boundaries.

    Narcissists have a tendency to take advantage of others, so it’s important to learn to say “No.”
  4. Talk to HR.

    If the narcissist’s behavior gets out of control, report it to HR.

4 TIPS TO DEAL WITH A NARCISSISTIC FAMILY MEMBER

Is your household centered around one family member who has to be the center of attention at all times? Does someone in your family routinely brag about their accomplishments, make arrogant “know-it-all” statements, or criticize other relatives?

Sounds like you could be related to a narcissist. Having a narcissistic parent, a narcissistic sibling, or a narcissistic child makes life more challenging.

Growing up with a family member who has NPD can erode your self-esteem, turn you into an anxious people pleaser, and leave you feeling worn out.

  1. Don’t rehash the same arguments with them.

    Most likely, the narcissist will not benefit from constructive feedback and will view it as an attack.
  2. Stay neutral.

    Try not to react to the narcissist’s criticisms and bullying tactics. Instead, react to their positive behaviors.
  3. Make your own plans and stick to them.

    If the narcissist tries to take control of a family gathering or to dictate plans, be firm in following through with the activities that bring you happiness.
  4. Limit contact.

    If possible, minimize the amount of time you spend with the narcissistic relative. Another strategy is to invite someone else to join you on family visits. This can help prevent you from becoming prey to criticism or manipulation.

4 WAYS TO COPE WITH A NARCISSISTIC ROMANTIC PARTNER

With their excessive self-importance, narcissistic people tend to be completely wrapped up in their own needs with little or no regard for yours. In intimate relationships, the narcissist’s ego-centric behavior can rob you of your sense of self.

Here are some tips on how to deal with a narcissistic spouse or significant other.

  1. Don’t take it personally.

    Detachment is a psychological strategy that helps you distance yourself from their hurtful words and behavior. When your partner lashes out with insults or overlooks your needs, remember that it is merely a symptom of NPD.

Learning more about the condition can be very helpful. For example, NPD has been associated with changes in the brain related to their behavior. Knowing that the narcissistic brain works differently than the healthy brain may help you cope in challenging times.

  1. Prioritize self-care.

    To avoid losing yourself in their world, carve out time for self-care and the activities and people you enjoy.
  2. Create a support network.

    Cultivate friends and family members you can trust or join a support group where you can discuss issues and feel validated.
  3. Recognize when it’s time to move on.

    If your relationship is toxic and causing you anxiety and depression, it may be time to find a way out. Be sure to have a plan in place before telling your significant other that you’re leaving. Be prepared for the narcissist to blame you for the failure of the relationship.

GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP FOR COPING WITH A NARCISSIST 

If you need additional help coping with the stress of being in a relationship with a narcissist, consider seeing a mental health professional.

Understand that due to the nature of their symptoms, people with narcissistic personality disorder are unlikely to seek treatment. They firmly believe in their own superiority and do not think there is anything wrong with them.

This leaves it up to you to find a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist who can give you additional science-backed strategies to help you manage your life with a narcissist. By taking control of your own mental well-being, you’ll be better equipped to cope with the challenges of working or living with a narcissistic person.

We Are Here For You

Narcissistic personality disorder and the anxiety, stress, and depression it can cause others can’t wait. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, clinical evaluations, and therapy for adults, teens, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.

Orth U, et al. “Development of Narcissism Across the Life Span: A Meta-Analytic

Review of Longitudinal Studies,” Psychological Bulletin, 2024, Vol. 150, No. 6, 643–665. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000436.

Asrar-ul-Haq, M., Anjum, T. Impact of narcissistic leadership on employee work outcomes in banking sector of Pakistan. Futur Bus J 6, 34 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1186/s43093-020-00040-x

O’Reilly III C, et al. “When “Me” Trumps “We”: Narcissistic Leaders and the Cultures They Create,” Academy of Management Discoveries, Vol. 7, No. 3, 2021. https://doi.org/10.5465/amd.2019.0163

Hoertel, Nicolas et al. “Examining sex differences in DSM-IV-TR narcissistic personality disorder symptom expression using Item Response Theory (IRT).” Psychiatry research vol. 260 (2018): 500-507. doi:10.1016/j.psychres.2017.12.031

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