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All relationships take work, whether they’re with colleagues, supervisors, friends, family members, or intimate partners. But relationships require even more effort when one person is a narcissist.
People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is estimated to affect approximately 1%-6% of the population, can be excessively self-centered, feel like they deserve special treatment, and have a need for constant adulation.
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms include a lack empathy, which can make these individuals manipulative and demanding. It can be exhausting for the people who work with, live with, or love a narcissist.
If you’re involved with a narcissist or someone who has narcissistic tendencies, you may hope that they will change. But a 2024 study found that you might have to wait decades for that to happen.
According to the meta-analysis of 51 studies, narcissistic traits do tend to soften over time, but it can take 10, 20, or 30 years or more. And the changes tend to be moderate at best.
This means that rather than hoping a narcissist will change, it’s better for you to learn coping strategies to deal with them.
Here are 12 psychiatrist-recommended strategies to help you deal with a narcissist in the workplace, at home, or in a relationship.
Many individuals may exhibit traits like excessive self-confidence, arrogance, or being overly demanding, but these characteristics alone do not necessarily indicate narcissism. Narcissistic personality disorder involves more extreme levels of these personality traits.
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms include the following:
To receive a clinical diagnosis of NPD, a person typically needs to have at least five of these symptoms.
It’s important to understand that narcissism can look different in men and women. For example, a study in Psychiatry Research found that the prevalence rates of the following traits were significantly higher in men compared to women:
Among women, the following trait was significantly more common:
Overall, this mental health disorder is more frequently diagnosed in men, who represent 50%-75% of those affected.
Narcissism creates a toxic work environment, harms performance, and drives away good talent, according to a wealth of research, including a 2020 study in the Future Business Journal.
Additional findings in a 2021 study in the Academy of Management show that when work leaders display narcissistic traits, it has a negative impact on collaboration and integrity.
If someone on your team at work has trouble taking feedback, requires excessive levels of praise, takes credit for other’s ideas and efforts, or dodges deadlines by blaming others, you may be working with a narcissist.
Is your household centered around one family member who has to be the center of attention at all times? Does someone in your family routinely brag about their accomplishments, make arrogant “know-it-all” statements, or criticize other relatives?
Sounds like you could be related to a narcissist. Having a narcissistic parent, a narcissistic sibling, or a narcissistic child makes life more challenging.
Growing up with a family member who has NPD can erode your self-esteem, turn you into an anxious people pleaser, and leave you feeling worn out.
With their excessive self-importance, narcissistic people tend to be completely wrapped up in their own needs with little or no regard for yours. In intimate relationships, the narcissist’s ego-centric behavior can rob you of your sense of self.
Here are some tips on how to deal with a narcissistic spouse or significant other.
Learning more about the condition can be very helpful. For example, NPD has been associated with changes in the brain related to their behavior. Knowing that the narcissistic brain works differently than the healthy brain may help you cope in challenging times.
If you need additional help coping with the stress of being in a relationship with a narcissist, consider seeing a mental health professional.
Understand that due to the nature of their symptoms, people with narcissistic personality disorder are unlikely to seek treatment. They firmly believe in their own superiority and do not think there is anything wrong with them.
This leaves it up to you to find a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist who can give you additional science-backed strategies to help you manage your life with a narcissist. By taking control of your own mental well-being, you’ll be better equipped to cope with the challenges of working or living with a narcissistic person.
Orth U, et al. “Development of Narcissism Across the Life Span: A Meta-Analytic
Review of Longitudinal Studies,” Psychological Bulletin, 2024, Vol. 150, No. 6, 643–665. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000436.
Asrar-ul-Haq, M., Anjum, T. Impact of narcissistic leadership on employee work outcomes in banking sector of Pakistan. Futur Bus J 6, 34 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1186/s43093-020-00040-x
O’Reilly III C, et al. “When “Me” Trumps “We”: Narcissistic Leaders and the Cultures They Create,” Academy of Management Discoveries, Vol. 7, No. 3, 2021. https://doi.org/10.5465/amd.2019.0163
Hoertel, Nicolas et al. “Examining sex differences in DSM-IV-TR narcissistic personality disorder symptom expression using Item Response Theory (IRT).” Psychiatry research vol. 260 (2018): 500-507. doi:10.1016/j.psychres.2017.12.031
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