5 Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist

Are you dating—or married to—someone who is charming but overly confident? Are they constantly bragging about their accomplishments, exaggerating about their life experiences, and talking about all the amazing things they’re going to do one day? You may wonder if they’re a narcissist. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging. They may lack empathy for your feelings or gaslight you. They can be manipulative and exploitative. How can you tell if they’re just obnoxiously self-centered, or if they have narcissistic personality disorder? Look for these signs of narcissistic personality disorder. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) go beyond these everyday characteristics—they express grandiosity, have a constant need for excessive admiration, and show a lack of empathy for others.

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WHAT ARE THE TRAITS OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER?

Many people fall into the category of being overly self-confident, arrogant, and demanding, but this doesn’t necessarily make them narcissistic. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) go beyond these everyday characteristics. The latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the DSM-V, spells out the following 9 criteria for NPD:

• Grandiosity or an inflated sense of self-importance
• Lack of empathy
• A strong sense of entitlement
• A preoccupation with fantasies about power, success, ideal love, intelligence, or beauty
• A belief in being so special that they can only be understood and can only associate with other exceptional people or organizations
• A need for over-the-top admiration
• Takes advantage of others and is exploitative
• Is arrogant and haughty
• Is envious of others or thinks that other people envy them

For a clinical diagnosis as a narcissist, a person only has to meet 5 of these criteria. The number of people who meet the criteria for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder is estimated to range from less than 1% to over 6% of the population. This mental health disorder is far more common in men, who make up 50%-75% of those affected.

NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER AND THE BRAIN

Many people fall into the category of being overly self-confident, arrogant, or demanding, but this doesn’t necessarily make them narcissistic. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) go beyond these everyday characteristics. The latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the DSM-5, spells out 9 criteria for NPD. To qualify for a clinical diagnosis of narcissism, a person only has to meet 5 of these traits:

• Exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Preoccupation with success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• A sense of entitlement
• A belief that they’re special and can only be around others who are also special
• Desire for excessive admiration
• Exploit others for their own gain
• Lack of empathy
• Envious of others or a belief that others are envious of them
• Arrogant

The number of people who meet the criteria for NPD is estimated to range from less than 1% to over 6% of the population. This mental health disorder is far more common in men, who make up 50%-75% of those affected.

NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER AND THE BRAIN 

Symptoms don’t tell the whole story. Brain-imaging studies have found that people who suffer from NPD tend to have abnormalities in the brain. In particular, a 2013 study found that narcissists have less gray matter volume in a region of the brain believed to be involved in empathy. Other brain-imaging research has found that people with NPD also have hypersensitivity in brain systems associated with distress and social pain networks.

5 SIGNS YOU’RE HOOKED ON A NARCISSIST

Some of the hallmark signs that you’re involved with a narcissist include:

1. It’s all about them.

Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and make everything revolve around them and their needs, not yours. You may find that over time, you give up on your own needs and desires, which is known as deselfing.

2. They sweep you up in their grandiose goals.

People with NPD are preoccupied with fantasies about unbridled success and power. They manage to convince their partners that these unrealistic goals are in fact attainable due to their unique and special talents. When this success fails to materialize, it can leave you feeling resentful.

3. Constant admiration is required.

Narcissists have a sense of entitlement and believe they deserve special treatment. They need you to provide an endless supply of admiration to keep the relationship going. If they don’t get the attention they want, they may get upset with you.

4. No criticism allowed.

When questioned or challenged, your mate is likely to lash out with rage or anger. They may have a tendency to gaslight you by making everything seem like it’s your fault. This can contribute to relationship struggles or marital conflict.

5. You’re being exploited.

People with narcissistic personality disorder have a lack of empathy that often leads to the manipulation or exploitation of their partners. This can make you feel used or taken advantage of.

THE TROUBLE WITH RELATIONSHIPS WITH NARCISSISTS

Because of their supreme confidence, charm, and life-of-the-party personalities, narcissists can be intoxicatingly attractive to some people. They tend to go overboard when wooing a love interest, sweeping you off your feet, and making it seem as if you must be very special to be invited into their extraordinary world. And it feels that way…at first. With time, however, you may realize that the narcissist’s exaggerated delusions of grandeur are merely fantasies. And you may find yourself stuck in an endless cycle of doing whatever it takes to try to please the narcissist, but no matter how much admiration you show them or how much you buy for them, it’s never enough. Trying to stand up for yourself by saying no to their demands can backfire and set you up for harsh criticism and psychological manipulation intended to make you take the blame for not living up to their expectations. This toxic unhealthy relationship can lead you to develop symptoms of anxiety or depression.

TREATMENT FOR NARCISSISM

If you’re involved with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, it can be hard to get them to seek treatment. After all, they believe they are special and typically refuse to admit that they have a problem. Looking at the brain with functional SPECT scans, however, can help identify abnormalities associated with NPD. It can also reveal signs of co-existing mental health disorders, which are common in narcissistic people. For example, over 40% of those with NPD also have a substance use disorder, 40% struggle with anxiety disorders, and close to 29% suffer from mood disorders such as bipolar disorder or depression. If you’re in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it can be just as important for you to seek psychotherapy. Working with a mental health professional can help you learn how to handle your own feelings and find strategies you can employ to improve the marriage or relationship.

HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST

In some instances, you may decide to walk away from a toxic relationship with a narcissist. If so, make sure you prepare for a divorce or a breakup.

• Write a list of reasons why you want out of the relationship and review it frequently.
• Develop a plan, including having a new place to live if you are leaving or asking them to leave.
• Build a network of trusted friends and family members who will support you through the process.
• Be kind to yourself and remind yourself that you don’t deserve to be treated this way.
• Don’t give them any second chances.
• Seek support from a psychotherapist.

Maintaining your own mental health and sense of self-worth is critical in any relationship with a narcissist, whether you decide to stay with them or leave them. Narcissistic personality disorder, marital conflicts, and other mental health issues can’t wait. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, clinical evaluations, and therapy for adults, teens, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.