10 Things Parents Should NEVER Do

10 Things Parents Should Never Do
Based on Tens of Thousands of Patients at Amen Clinics, Our Child Psychiatrists Have Identified 10 Bad Parenting Habits You Should Avoid.

As parents, it’s common to focus on parenting strategies that will help you raise mentally strong kids, but you may be overlooking what NOT to do. These people are typically well-intentioned, but their parenting skills aren’t helping them get the results they desire.

Based on tens of thousands of patients at Amen Clinics, our child psychiatrists have seen parents who unknowingly engage in habits that are counterproductive. Here’s a look at 10 bad parenting habits you should avoid.

If you want to learn more about what too many parents are doing wrong, tune in to the Change Your Brain Every Day podcast, hosted by Dr. Daniel Amen and his wife Tana Amen. Their episode on parenting “don’ts” is available wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

10 BAD PARENTING HABITS

  1. Ignore your child’s brain.

Your child’s brain controls everything they do—how they think, behave, and relate to others. When their brain works right, they work right, but when their brain is troubled, they are more likely to have trouble in their life. And if they have problems in their life, you have problems in yours.

Healthy brain function is critical for focus, mood stability, motivation, academic performance, and so much more. But most parents don’t think about the health of their child’s brain. This is a major mistake. If you want your child to be their best, you must teach them to love and care for their brain.

The brain SPECT imaging work at Amen Clinics shows that a child’s brain health is linked to emotional and behavioral issues. The SPECT scans below show:

  • Healthy brain
  • Traumatic brain injury (TBI)
  • Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), also called attention deficit disorder (ADD
  1. Rarely spend quality time with your child.

Healthy parent-child relationships require “special time” together. If you don’t spend time with them one-on-one, they are likely to develop resentment and rebel against you.

One of the most effective things you can do is spend at least 20 minutes of quality time each day with your child—listening and doing something they want to do (within reason).

Silence your phone so you can pay 100% attention to your child. Research has found that when parents are always distracted by their devices, it interferes with a child’s emotional intelligence development. A child may act out and behave poorly in an attempt to get your attention.

  1. Be a poor listener.

When you are disagreeing with your child and they are talking, do you interrupt them? Are you focusing on understanding what they are saying, or are you thinking of how you are going to respond to them?

Being a bad listener sends the message that your child isn’t important enough to merit your attention. And this can have devastating effects on their self-esteem.

Learn active listening. Don’t judge or criticize what they are saying, rather repeat back what you hear. Ultimately, your child can solve a lot of their own problems.

  1. Use name calling.

Never tell your child “You’re a spoiled brat” or say “You’re stupid” when they’ve made a mistake or done something wrong. This is not helpful for their development.

Children will internalize these negative names and begin to believe them, which can adversely affect their self-esteem.

  1. Be overly permissive.

Letting your child do whatever they want may make them “happy” in the moment, but it can be detrimental in the long run. Multiple studies have demonstrated that the children who grow up to have the most mental health problems had permissive parents who never set appropriate boundaries.

Children need clear boundaries to help them understand what is and is not OK. Do this by being firm and kind. Develop a set of rules and stick by them.

  1. Fail to supervise your child.

The brain’s frontal lobes—which are involved in planning, judgment, and impulse control—are not fully developed until about age 25. Therefore, you need to act as your child’s frontal lobes until theirs develop. Failing to do so increases the chances that your child will engage in risky behaviors that can have major consequences.

Healthy supervision means checking in on what your child is doing and with whom and helping them make good decisions. This doesn’t make you a helicopter parent—rather, it shows how much you care.

  1. Be a lousy role model.

If your motto is “Do as I say, not as I do,” you’re setting yourself up for trouble. Being a poor role model means your child will likely pick up on that and follow your lead.

If you lie, cheat, are rude or disrespectful, eat an unhealthy diet, and never address your own health, your child is going to follow your example. So, model how you want your child to be.

  1. Only notice what your child does wrong.

Noticing all the little mistakes your child makes infuses them with a negative mind-set and self-view. This can carry over into adulthood and hold them back from reaching their potential.

In addition, if the only time you notice them is when they are doing something wrong, you are teaching them that doing something bad is the best way to get any attention from you.

Instead, do whatever you can to catch them doing things right as often as possible. By doing that, you will reinforce their good behavior and good choices.

  1. Ignore their mental health issues.

Mental health issues, such as ADHD, anxiety disorders, depression, bipolar disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), can have a devastating impact on your child’s life. On average, it takes 11 years from the time a child starts to develop mental health symptoms to when they are seen for their first psychiatric evaluation.

In the meantime, children with untreated mental health conditions can struggle to succeed in school, in their friendships, and in life. These types of problems can rob them of their mental strength, happiness, self-esteem, motivation, and focus. As their parent, pay attention and take them for an evaluation if you have any concerns.

  1. Ignore your own mental health problems.

If you’re suffering from any mental health conditions, it can devastate your children. Remember the saying, “Put on your own oxygen mask first.” You need to take care of yourself and be the best version of you so you can also be the best parent to them.

If you have trouble with focus, anxiety issues, depression symptoms, or other mental health issues, seek help from a mental health professional.

LEARN BETTER PARENTING SKILLS

Discover more common parenting mistakes and helpful parenting strategies on Dr. Amen and Tana’s Change Your Brain Every Day podcast, available wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

Reviewed by Amen Clinics Inc. Clinicians

We Are Here For You

Behavior problems, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and other childhood mental health issues can’t wait. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, clinical evaluations, and therapy for adults, teens, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.

Keator DB, et al. Adverse childhood experiences, brain function, and psychiatric diagnoses in a large adult clinical cohort. Frontiers in Psychiatry, Volume 15 (2024). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1401745

Anda, Robert F et al. “The enduring effects of abuse and related adverse experiences in childhood. A convergence of evidence from neurobiology and epidemiology.” European archives of psychiatry and clinical neuroscience vol. 256,3 (2006): 174-86. doi:10.1007/s00406-005-0624-4

Gu, Wenjie et al. “Impact of adverse childhood experiences on the symptom severity of different mental disorders: a cross-diagnostic study.” General psychiatry vol. 35,2 e100741. 22 Apr. 2022, doi:10.1136/gpsych-2021-100741

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