The Bipolar Dilemma: The Back and Forth of Never Knowing Who You Are

Having bipolar disorder can make you wonder who is the real you. Is it the manic you who is full of big ideas and energy? Or is it the depressed you who can barely crawl out of bed in the mornings? Anyone who suffers from this condition knows that dramatic mood swings can make you feel like a different person from day to day. That’s how actress and singer Talia Jackson describes what having bipolar disorder feels like. Best known for her role in Netflix’s Family Reunion, Jackson says one of her biggest issues is “the back and forth of never knowing who I am.” In an episode of Scan My Brain with Dr. Julie Brush, a doctor of naturopathy at Amen Clinics, she says she also struggles with panic attacks, “horrible anxiety,” “awful frustration,” and anger. It’s a lot to cope with. Jackson wanted to have her brain scanned to gain a better understanding of herself and who she is.

IS THERE A BIPOLAR IDENTITY?

Jackson is one of an estimated 4.4% of Americans who will experience bipolar disorder in their lifetime, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. This condition, which used to be called manic-depressive illness, is characterized by extreme changes in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out everyday tasks. With bipolar disorder, people often cycle from manic episodes to depressive episodes. Manic episodes are associated with abnormally elevated mood, heightened energy, grandiose ideas, and in some people, delusions, and hallucinations. On the downside, depressive episodes come with persistent negativity, decreased energy, loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities, and in some cases, suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Researchers have noted that this can lead to issues with identity. In a 2020 issue of the Journal of Personality, researchers write: “These experiences confront people with bipolar disorder with a subtler and more chronic struggle related to self and identity.”

THE CONSEQUENCES OF BIPOLAR IDENTITY ISSUES

Along with the challenge to find an identity, people with bipolar disorder also have trouble with self-esteem. The 2020 study mentioned above shows that for those with the condition, self-worth is often linked to goal attainment. This leads to instability in terms of self-esteem, as it rises and falls with perceived successes and failures. A 2009 study in The British Journal of Psychiatry found that over the course of one week, daily self-esteem scores fluctuated more widely among those with bipolar depression compared with healthy controls. A lack of clear self-identity has negative consequences. Findings in the journal Self and Identity show that inconsistencies in self-concept are associated with decreased life satisfaction and a lower sense of well-being. This is further evidenced by the fact that 20-60% of people with bipolar disorder (especially when it goes untreated) attempt suicide at least once in their lifetime, according to a 2019 review in Medicina.

HOW A BIPOLAR DISORDER DIAGNOSIS INFLUENCES IDENTITY

Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder can spark an identity crisis. A diagnosis can make you feel like your life story has suddenly changed, causing you to reevaluate your sense of self. For some people, a diagnosis is a positive step that helps you understand who you are and find effective treatment. For others, it’s a label that invites shame and stigma. Educating yourself about the condition and gaining an understanding that it is a brain-based disorder rather than a character flaw or personal weakness can be beneficial. The brain imaging work at Amen Clinics shows people with bipolar disorder and other mental health issues that their problems are medical, not moral. It also decreases shame and guilt and encourages understanding and forgiveness among family members. Most of all, it elevates hope and provides valuable information to help find the least toxic, most effective treatment plan.

FINDING A BALANCE WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER

With a targeted, comprehensive treatment plan, people with bipolar disorder can find more balance in their lives and a greater sense of self. That’s what Jackson is hoping for. Her SPECT scan, which can be seen in the video of her session at Amen Clinics, showed abnormal activity in various brain regions. Seeing her brain scan helped her understand that her issues have biological roots. “That is so relieving to me, because I know I’m not insane,” the actress says. On the right treatment to improve blood flow and activity levels in the brain, better balance can be achieved. People with bipolar disorder can experience more stable moods, energy levels, and activity patterns, which help lead to a clearer sense of identity and greater self-esteem. Bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues can’t wait. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, clinical evaluations, and therapy for adults, teens, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.