Feeling lonely? With lockdowns and social isolation, it’s no wonder so many of us are feeling alone. But people who are profoundly lonely can feel alone when they’re in a room full of people. Even superstar
Justin Bieber, who performs in front of hundreds of thousands of adoring fans, sings about feeling isolated in his song, “Lonely.”
What if you had it all
But nobody to call?
Maybe then, you’d know me
‘Cause I’ve had everything
But no one’s listening
And that’s just f—n’ lonely
I’m so lonely
Lonely
Another pop idol, Donny Osmond, tweeted similar feelings after hearing the song:
@justinbieber’s new song #Lonely really hit home for me. Despite crowds of screaming fans and endless attention, I still feel debilitating loneliness. I relate to what Justin’s been through, & I admire the way he’s changed his life.
As these pop icons show, loneliness isn’t due to a lack of acquaintances or social contacts, it’s caused by a lack of feeling connected to others. A wealth of scientific evidence reveals that loneliness can take a devastating toll on your mental health and cognitive function. According to a recent review in
Psychiatry Research that analyzed 114 studies, loneliness has a medium to large effect on a person’s well-being with the biggest impact on mental health, especially on
depression,
anxiety, and
suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Other research shows that
loneliness negatively impacts brain function.
Are you lonely? Are feelings of solitude affecting your psychological health? It could be linked to some of your daily habits. Scientists have identified common habits that are signs of loneliness. Changing these habits may help you overcome feelings of loneliness and strengthen your mental well-being.
The 8 Habits of Lonely People
1. You’re always busy.
Rushing around all day every day to get through your to-do list is one of the signs of lonely people. Filling your day with activities that prevent you from connecting with others is a way lonely people fill the void they feel inside.
Connection Tip: Make bonding with others a priority and add social appointments to your to-do list. With “text Jenny,” “call Mom,” or “invite Jason for Zoom get-together” on your list, you’re more likely to maintain connections.
2. You shop a LOT.
Scientific findings in the
Journal of Consumer Research show that some people get emotionally attached to their purchases out of loneliness. Referred to as “material possession love” among scientists, this relationship with inanimate objects replaces a lack of close ties with others.
Connection Tip: The next time you’re about to hit the “Buy” button on a shopping site, take a break and reach out to someone you care about first. Just a simple text, voice mail, or email saying, “Hi, checking in to see how you’re doing” is enough. Then return to the shopping site to see if you still “have to have” that item.
3. You’re judgmental.
Having an “us vs. them” mentality in which you criticize others separates you from them and can make you feel alone. Being overly critical or consistently seeing what’s “wrong” with other people can also be a sign of increased activity in an area of the brain called the anterior cingulate gyrus (ACG). The ACG is involved in error detection, and when it’s overactive, you can get
stuck on critical or negative thoughts.
Connection Tip: Rather than focusing on your differences, look for things you have in common. To calm overactivity in the ACG, boost serotonin by consuming healthy carbs (such as sweet potatoes and hummus), salmon, turkey, eggs, nuts, and seeds; and taking supplements like 5-HTP and saffron.
4. You don’t share your vulnerability.
People who are afraid to open up to others out of
fear of being criticized or judged are often lonely. These individuals frequently stick to superficial relationships where they don’t have to let anyone else see them for who they really are. This is common in people who have too much activity in the basal ganglia, which is associated with anxiety.
Connection Tip: Learning to open up with others can take time, especially for anxious people who feel a need to appear perfect. Choose one person you think will be supportive and share some of your worries, flaws, or vulnerabilities. In addition, you can soothe the brain’s anxiety centers by avoiding caffeine, alcohol, and sugary sweets, and by supplementing your diet with GABA, magnesium, and B6.
5. You’re a rigid thinker.
When you’re
inflexible, it’s hard to fit others into your daily routines. You may automatically say no when others invite you to a Zoom party, ask you to play golf or suggest going for a hike even though you might really enjoy it. People who are rigid thinkers often have overactivity in the ACG.
Connection Tip: Try saying yes more often to opportunities to socialize. See solutions to calm an overactive ACG above.
6. You prefer to connect online.
Are you one of those people who have thousands of followers on social media, but you don’t have any friends or family you can call to share good news or to get support when you’re feeling low? Results from a
2018 survey show that using social media as a replacement for real connections worsens feelings of loneliness. And a 2017 study in the
American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that young adults who are heavy users of social media are twice as likely to experience social anxiety.
Connection Tip: Socializing online has become more prevalent since the pandemic, but bonding in more personal ways while maintaining physical distancing is more important than ever.
7. You’re surrounded by lonesome people.
According to a 10-year study in the
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, loneliness is contagious. The researchers found that people who spent time with someone who was lonely were 52% more likely to become lonely as well.
Connection Tip: Choose your social circle wisely. Find the healthiest, happiest people you can stand and spend time with them.
8. You have a quick temper.
People who habitually fly off the handle tend to alienate others, which can lead to loneliness. Anger issues are commonly seen in people with depression,
ADD/ADHD, or
substance abuse and may be associated with abnormal activity in the temporal lobes. Problems in this region of the brain are often due to
head injuries,
toxic exposure, or chronic infections like
Lyme disease.
Connection Tip: Psychotherapy and anger management classes can be very beneficial for some people with a short fuse. However, if you have underlying damage or dysfunction in the brain due to traumatic brain injuries, exposure to toxins, or infections, this needs to be addressed. Taking supplements—such as GABA, magnesium, theanine, and taurine—and eating a higher-protein, lower-carbohydrate diet may be helpful.
Depression, anxiety, loneliness, and other mental health issues can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time.
At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.
