In today’s fast-paced world, many people feel a spiritual void—feeling disconnected from themselves, other people, their surroundings, and their purpose in life. Psychiatric research increasingly suggests that a lack of spirituality is associated with increased risk for anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. Conversely, having a sense of spirituality enhances mental well-being and cognitive function. Why?

Spirituality doesn’t require that you follow a religion—instead it’s about finding a sense of purpose and connecting with others on something greater than yourself. In fact, a Pew Research Center study found about 41% of U.S. adults say they’ve grown more spiritual over the course of their lifetime, and 24% say they have become more religious.

That’s why understanding what you need can help you feel more connected, happier, and healthier beyond what’s right in front of you. Now, we’ll explore how developing your sense of spirituality can impact your mental wellness and help you live a more fulfilled life.

WHAT DOES SPIRITUALITY MEAN?

First, it’s important to note that spirituality is deeply personal. While some people equate it with religion, spirituality actually extends beyond religious beliefs, according to a 2020 study in Frontiers in Psychology.

It’s also more than your actions—it’s about a sense of connection to yourself, your values, and the world around you. Whether you find spirituality in nature, meditation, or through meaningful relationships, the goal is to use it as a guide to finding purpose, direction, and a sense of belonging.

Spirituality can help you explore your inner self and build a deeper understanding of what truly matters to you…and why. Ultimately, it serves as a foundation for your emotional well-being, personal growth, and mental health long-term.

HOW DOES SPIRITUALITY AFFECT MENTAL HEALTH?

1. Strengthens Your Mind-Body Connection

The connection between the mind and body is profound, and spirituality often serves as the bridge between the two. Spirituality encourages mindfulness and awareness, allowing you to tune into your body’s signals and manage emotions more effectively. This can reduce the symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress.

According to Dr. Daniel Amen, the founder of Amen Clinics, incorporating mindfulness practices like meditation can enhance cognitive well-being by improving concentration and emotional regulation.

A 2021 study found that meditation actually changes the brain regions related to emotion regulation, increasing self-compassion, mindfulness and meta-cognition. Spirituality enables that mind-body connection that nurtures your emotional health so you can better care for your overall well-being.

2. Enhances Your Cognitive Well-Being and Brain Health

Spiritual fitness is a way to maintain that link between your mental wellness and brain health. You can engage in regular spiritual practices to help improve brain function by reducing stress like:

• Meditation
• Deep breathing
• Kundalini yoga
• Mindfulness
• Tai Chi
• Prayer

These activities help lower cortisol levels, a stress hormone known to damage brain cells when elevated for long periods. They also promote the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, which enhance mood and cognitive clarity. Investing time and practice into your spiritual fitness can also enhance neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to reorganize and adapt to new information.

Enhancing that spiritual connection has been shown to create stronger neural connections and increase activity in the prefrontal cortex—the area of the brain responsible for decision-making, self-awareness, and problem-solving.

By enhancing spiritual fitness, you can improve your cognitive well-being, protect your brain from age-related decline, and boost your ability to think clearly, process emotions, and adapt to new challenges.

3. Gives You a Sense of Connection

One of the most significant ways spirituality affects mental health is through the act of service. Being of service to others creates a sense of purpose and connection—two vital components of mental wellness.

Whether it’s volunteering, helping a friend in need, or simply offering a kind word to a stranger, these acts of kindness can reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Dr. Amen often emphasizes the importance of giving back to others as a way to improve brain health. Studies show that altruism and acts of service are linked to increased happiness, lower stress levels, and even longer lifespans.

Research published in 2023 found that people who volunteered regularly had a lower risk of mortality, reported higher levels of life satisfaction, increased functioning, quality of life, social support, and sense of connection. Findings in a 2022 study in Plos One suggest that when we serve others, we experience bonding, stronger social community, and personal fulfillment that boosts our mental health and fosters a sense of community.

4. Provides Comfort and Promotes Emotional Stability

Having faith in yourself and something bigger than yourself can be a critical part of your mental wellness. Whether through belief in a higher power, the universe, or the natural world, your spirituality can provide the foundation for your faith.

This faith doesn’t have to be religious. Instead, focusing on your belief in the interconnectedness of life and the idea that everything happens for a reason can be sufficient.

Faith in oneself—along with the belief that there is a greater and more positive meaning to life’s challenges—can bring comfort and promote emotional stability. Some research even suggests that it can reduce fear or death anxiety.

This kind of faith also helps people to build resilience and face life’s ups and downs with strength, grace, and compassion. The key is to put your faith into action that positively affects you and those around you in a more meaningful way.

5. Strengthens Your Resilience

Developing a sense of purpose is an essential step in strengthening your resilience and mental well-being. Without it, people often feel lost, unmotivated, and anxious.

Spirituality can help you uncover your unique purpose, whether through work, relationships, or personal growth. Having a clear sense of purpose gives you direction and motivation that enhances your connection with others, cognitive well-being and emotional balance.

One meta-analysis study found that people with a strong sense of purpose in life had a 30% reduced risk of developing cognitive decline as they aged. Additionally, those who live with purpose report lower rates of depression and anxiety. A 2019 UCSD research study confirms that finding meaning in life leads to better health outcomes and increase cognitive functioning.

That said, finding your purpose isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. It’s a personal process that evolves over time. For some, it may come through serving God or through their career. For others, it might be found in their role as a parent, friend, or community member. In general, it starts by finding the reason within yourself to want to create or be part of something meaningful beyond yourself.

Do you feel like you’re dragging? Too tired to do the things you want to do? Don’t want to get out of bed? Lack the energy to be your best at work, in your relationships, or with your kids?

Being chronically fatigued can really zap your zest for life. It’s no surprise that fatigue impairs physical function, but it also has a negative impact on cognitive ability and emotional control.

Figuring out why you feel drained can be a tiresome effort in itself. Autoimmune disorders such as chronic fatigue syndrome affect anywhere from 836,000 to 2.5 million people in the U.S. But there are many other underlying behavioral, cognitive, and psychological causes of fatigue. Some of them may surprise you.

BEHAVIORAL, COGNITIVE, AND PSYCHOLOGICAL CAUSES OF FATIGUE

1. Depression

Over 90% of people diagnosed with major depressive disorder experience fatigue, according to a 2018 study in CNS Drugs. In some instances, fatigue may be a side effect of certain medications used to treat depression.

The relationship between depression and tiredness goes both ways, as chronic fatigue also increases the risk for depression.

A 2011 paper in Innovations in Clinical Science reported that depression-related fatigue is associated with myriad effects, including difficulty concentrating, slowed thinking, apathy, boredom, memory problems, increased irritability, emotional disturbance, and a drop in productivity.

Wake-up call: Get moving, even though you may not feel like being active. Research shows that physical exercise has been found to be an effective treatment for mild to moderate depression.

2. Anxiety

The most common mental health issue, anxiety disorders affect an estimated 40 million Americans. Research shows anxiety and neuroticism, among other conditions, are significantly associated with fatigue.

With anxiety or panic attacks, fears and nervousness can escalate and cause a fight-flight-or-freeze response that triggers the release of a flood of hormones. This can lead to physical reactions, such as a racing heart, shallow breathing, muscle tension, trembling, and more.

When this resolves, it is often followed by feelings of exhaustion. Even in the absence of these high-anxiety moments, ongoing anxiousness can be accompanied by persistent physical and psychological symptoms that drain energy and leave you feeling tired and overwhelmed.

Wake-up call: When you feel anxious or panicky, practice deep breathing to calm your nervous system and induce a sense of relaxation. Understand that relaxation is different from feeling tired.

3. Seasonal Affective Disorder

Also known as SAD, seasonal affective disorder is a type of depression that occurs seasonally, usually during the winter. Affecting an estimated 6% of Americans, SAD causes increased feelings of fatigue and leads to an additional 2.5 hours of sleep each night in the winter.

People with SAD tend to experience an energy drain, feelings of lethargy, and low motivation.

Wake-up call: Try bright light therapy, which has been found to be beneficial for those with SAD.

4. Emotional Stress

Stress levels are rising, according to the 2023 Stress in America poll. This annual survey found that the long-term stress of the pandemic has increased mental health conditions, especially among adults aged 35 to 44 (up from 31% in 2019 to 45% in 2023).

Most people can handle life’s everyday stressors without feeling overwhelmed, but when major stresses stack up it can leave you feeling depleted. For example, getting laid off while you’re dealing with a serious health concern can make you feel overtired and emotionally exhausted.

Wake-up call: Practice stress-management techniques, such as meditation or listening to calming music.

5. Grief

Grief disrupts activity in the limbic system, the brain’s emotional centers, and it can activate the pain centers in the brain resulting in feelings of physical pain. All of this contribute to feelings of exhaustion during the grieving process.

When you’re grieving, you may have trouble sleeping, which leads to daytime drowsiness. You may also feel mentally exhausted as a result of brain overload, as losses often have a wide range of complex implications—such as financial issues, living situations, everyday routines, and more.

Wake-up call: Following a loss, start the healing process as soon as possible and maintain a brain-healthy routine—exercise, nutritious foods, good sleep, and supplements—to preserve energy.

6. Sleep Disorders

An estimated 50-70 million Americans have some form of sleep disorder, with approximately 10% of Americans suffering from chronic insomnia, and about 22 million diagnosed with sleep apnea.

That’s bad news because a lack of quality rest is a common reason for chronic daytime fatigue. Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep can have negative consequences, including irritability, brain fog, short temper, trouble concentrating, and more.

Wake-up call: Create a sleep routine that promotes healthy rest and stick with it 7 days a week.

7. Alcohol or Marijuana Use

Although these compounds initially induce sleepiness for some people, they have the reverse effect as they wear off. This is why you may wake up several hours after you go to sleep—and not be able to return to slumbering.

Alcohol seriously impairs sleep because it disrupts REM sleep, interferes with circadian rhythm, and increases the need for nighttime urination.

A 2022 study found that people who used cannabis on 20 or more days in the past month were more likely to get either too little sleep (less than 6 hours) or too much sleep (more than 9 hours) each night.

Wake-up call: Eliminate or reduce your use of alcohol or marijuana.

8. Poor Diet

The foods you eat can either energize your brain and body or drain your mental and physical functioning.

Foods that are high-glycemic—think sweets, baked goods, and chips—cause your blood sugar levels to spike then crash, leaving you feeling physically sluggish and mentally dull. Starting your day with doughnuts sets you up for a low-energy day.

Wake-up call: Ditch the high-glycemic foods in favor of more fresh fruits and vegetables. And be sure to eat small amounts of lean protein throughout the day to help keep blood sugar balanced for better energy.

9. Possible Dementia

Brain-imaging research shows that people aged 50 and older who experience excessive daytime sleepiness and fatigue are at increased risk of developing dementia.

In the participants with high levels of daytime tiredness, brain scans showed detrimental changes in multiple areas of the brain. For example, fatigue was associated with shrinkage in the hippocampus, an area involved in memory formation.

Wake-up call: Identifying which of the 11 major risk factors for memory loss you have and addressing them can be critical to preserving memory as well as improving energy levels.

OVERCOMING FATIGUE

By incorporating these wake-up call strategies, you can reclaim your energy and overcome persistent fatigue. With renewed vitality, you’ll not only feel better but also find yourself more capable of achieving your goals and living the life you desire.

However, if these tips don’t provide the boost you’re looking for, it may be time to consult a healthcare or mental health professional. Understanding the underlying cause of your fatigue is the first step toward addressing it and restoring your energy levels for good.

Have you ever noticed how a great workout or a solid night’s sleep leaves you feeling energized and in a better mood? That’s your brain chemistry in action. Your brain chemicals are constantly influencing how you think, feel, and even how well you focus.

The good news is with a few simple hacks, you can naturally boost these brain chemicals to improve your mood, mental clarity, and overall physical wellness. With the right lifestyle tweaks, you can tap into your brain’s potential to feel happier and live longer.

Here’s how optimizing neurochemicals could be the game-changer for a healthier and happier day-to-day life.

WHAT ARE YOUR MAIN BRAIN CHEMICALS?

Your brain runs on an intricate system of chemicals that affect everything from mood to memory. Before exploring how you can “hack your brain” by optimizing key brain chemicals, get to know the main players:

Serotonin 

Serotonin influences mood, digestion, sleep, and cardiovascular function. It’s often called the “feel-good” neurotransmitter because higher serotonin levels are linked to happiness and emotional well-being.

In fact, 90% of serotonin in our bodies is produced in the gut, which is why research suggests that gut health is closely tied to your mental health. That means the remaining 10% is produced in the brainstem, specifically the raphe nuclei.

Dopamine 

Dopamine is involved in about 65% of the brain’s decision-making process that controls behavior, cognition, and emotion, specifically regarding pleasure and reward.

It’s known as the “motivation molecule” that helps you strive for goals and experience joy when you achieve them.

Oxytocin 

Known as the “love hormone,” oxytocin plays a significant role in social bonding, brain connectivity, and coordinating behavioral states. It helps foster feelings of trust and compassion, making it essential for healthy relationships.

Endorphins 

Endorphins act as natural pain and stress fighters. These neurotransmitters transmit electrical signals within the nervous system to alleviate discomfort and enhance pleasure, especially after physical activity.

Norepinephrine 

Norepinephrine modulates your brain’s arousal and response to stress, which is produced by the adrenal glands, the locus coeruleus, and hepatic stellate cells in the liver.

This neurotransmitter helps your body prepare for action, heightens alertness, clarifies focus, and boosts energy.

Glutamate 

Glutamate is an excitatory neurotransmitter that plays a role in nearly every brain function involving sending and receiving information. It’s crucial for learning, memory, and overall brain performance.

An excess of glutamate in the brain can make cells overexcited, which can lead to a number of problems. High levels of glutamate increase the risk of neurological conditions like Alzheimer’s disease, Huntington’s disease, and ALS, as well as mental health conditions like anxiety and depression.

GABA 

GABA is your brain’s primary inhibitory neurotransmitter. It helps calm nervous activity, so this brain chemical is essential for reducing anxiety and enhancing relaxation.

Low levels of GABA have been associated with anxiety disorders, mood disorders such as major depressive disorder, insomnia, irritability, and restlessness.

Acetylcholine 

As one of the most plentiful neurotransmitters, this brain chemical is crucial for learning, memory, and attention.

Acetylcholine helps your brain process and store information efficiently. It also plays a role in skeletal-muscle contractions, central nervous system, and breathing.

Cortisol 

As the body’s main stress hormone, cortisol helps control mood, fear, and motivation. However, chronically high levels of cortisol lead to stress-related health issues like anxiety and high blood pressure.

Men and women may have different cortisol responses as they age or go through certain life stages, such as menopause or andropause, which can complicate other health issues.

HOW TO HACK YOUR BRAIN CHEMICALS

Now that you know what these brain chemicals do, how can you optimize them? Here are some simple tips to hack each one naturally:

Serotonin: Get sunlight.

Your body needs serotonin to produce melatonin. That means getting adequate natural sunlight is essential to increase serotonin levels for your circadian rhythm to function properly.

If you live in a place with little sunlight, consider bright light therapy or taking a vitamin D supplement to help boost your mood and improve sleep patterns.

Dopamine: Celebrate small wins.

You can give yourself a dopamine boost by setting small, achievable goals and celebrating your progress. Whether it’s completing a task at work or a personal milestone, reward yourself with something that makes you feel good as well as keeps your mind and body healthy.

Oxytocin: Practice gratitude.

Acts of kindness and expressing gratitude can release oxytocin because it is a sort of “shared hormone”. This is because it happens when you get physically or emotionally close to another human being as you do when during a hug, snuggle, or sexual intimacy.

Simply thanking someone for their help or volunteering can also trigger feelings of warmth, trust, and connection.

Endorphins: Exercise regularly. 

Physical activity, particularly aerobic exercise like running or swimming, prompts the body to release endorphins. Also known as a “runner’s high,” endorphins can reduce depression and anxiety symptoms while elevating mood.

A minimum of 30 minutes of regular exercise can include low impact, cardiovascular, strength training, and even smaller less strenuous daily activities like gardening and walking your dog.

Norepinephrine: Take cold showers.

Cold exposure, such as cold showers or cryotherapy, can naturally increase norepinephrine levels, making you feel more alert and focused. It also helps boost energy, reduce inflammation, and regulate blood circulation, metabolism, and stress responses.

Glutamate: Eat foods high in omega-3s.

Omega-3 fatty acids—found in cold-water fish (like mackerel and salmon), chia and flax seeds, and walnuts—help regulate glutamate levels in the brain. These fatty acids support cognitive functions like memory and learning as well as support brain, heart, skin, hair, and nail health.

GABA: Meditate.

Research shows that practicing mindfulness meditation or yoga increases GABA activity, calming the brain and reducing anxiety. Deep breathing exercises can also help activate this neurotransmitter for relaxation.

Make sure to limit caffeine and other stimulants that diminish GABA levels and can give you that mid-day energy crash.

Acetylcholine: Learn something new. 

Engaging in mental stimulation, like learning a new language or playing an instrument, boosts acetylcholine production, which enhances memory and focus.

Choline, a key nutrient for brain function, also aids in removing cholesterol from the liver while supporting mood and muscle control. A deficiency in choline can lead to fat and cholesterol buildup in the liver, impacting your overall health.

Cortisol: Practice deep breathing. 

To lower cortisol levels, practice deep breathing exercises, also known as diaphragmatic breathing. This technique activates your parasympathetic nervous system, helping to reduce stress and anxiety.

A 2023 study found that adding slow deep breathing and mindfulness meditation to aerobic exercise helped a group of women with type 2 diabetes better control their glucose and cortisol levels. This essentially reduced their risk of heart problems and improved their health by 25%.

WHY IT’S MORE THAN BRAIN CHEMISTRY

Hacking your brain chemicals isn’t as complicated as it may seem. Simple lifestyle changes—like spending more time in the sun, exercising, and practicing gratitude—can naturally boost your brain chemicals as you make more positive lifestyle changes.

Whether you’re looking to feel more energetic, reduce stress, or think more clearly, learning how to balance your brain chemicals can have a profound impact on your overall well-being. Start making small changes today, and remember, taking care of your brain is one of the best investments in your long-term health and happiness.

The COVID-19 pandemic changed lives virtually everywhere on earth, with all populations and demographics facing upheavals like lockdowns and interruptions in daily routines. But children living through COVID and its related life-altering effects were faced with a unique struggle: They were enduring these hardships while their brains were still developing.

While the full consequences of the pandemic will take years or even decades to fully grasp, studies are showing that our young people have been greatly affected. Specifically, researchers have discovered various changes in adolescents’ brains, which may impact their mental health for years to come.

HOW THE PANDEMIC AFFECTED OUR YOUTH

A 2022 study published in Biological Psychiatry: Global Open Science found that COVID-19 had far-reaching effects on adolescent brains. Researchers compared MRI scans from 163 teens, both before and during the pandemic. They noted the following brain changes:

1. Reduced cortical thickness. Cortical thickness naturally decreases with age. But it’s further reduced when young people face adversity, such as traumatic experiences, early in their lives. In the general population, cortical thinning has been associated with Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia, as well as mental health conditions like schizophrenia.

Fortunately, there may be natural ways to increase cortical thickness in certain regions of the brain. One Harvard study showed that, after only eight weeks of mindfulness meditation, participants showed increased cortical thickness in the hippocampus, which plays a role in controlling learning and memory. Meditation also strengthened areas of the brain related to emotional regulation.

2. Accelerated brain aging. The study on post-pandemic teens found that adolescents had a larger hippocampal volume and a larger amygdala volume.

Along with reduced cortical thickness, these factors are associated with overall accelerated brain maturation. The study’s authors noted that “adolescents assessed during the pandemic also had larger positive brain age gap estimates, indicative of older-appearing brains.”

It remains to be seen whether the adolescents’ brains will normalize over the years to come, or if these changes will persist over their lifetimes.  

3. Potential mental health problems. The brain-imaging work at Amen Clinics shows that brain health is mental health. So it’s not surprising that researchers discovered more severe internalizing mental health problems (such as depression, anxiety, and fears) in adolescent brains impacted by COVID. 

This confirmed findings from a 2021 meta-analysis of 29 studies, which found that depression and anxiety among young people had grown significantly through the pandemic.

The authors estimated that about one in four young people worldwide were experiencing elevated symptoms of clinical depression. And one in five youth were coping with elevated symptoms of anxiety.

These numbers are double the amount previously estimated before the pandemic, and they were found to be increasing over time.  

COVID-RELATED BRAIN CHANGES IN MALES VS. FEMALES

While these COVID-related brain changes in our youth are alarming, another study found that they do not affect boys and girls in the same ways, or to the same degree. These findings were released in 2024 in the National Academy of the Sciences journal, PNAS.

The study compared results between genders by using MRI data from before and after COVID lockdowns. Researchers noted that the social isolation had an overall detrimental effect on the mental health of adolescents, and females were more affected.

Here are some of their most significant discoveries:

• Post-COVID brains showed accelerated cortical thinning, but females experienced a more widespread effect throughout the brain. Females’ changes were also greater in magnitude, compared to males.

• The average brain aging acceleration was the equivalent of 4.2 years in females and 1.4 years in males.

• Of the 68 brain regions analyzed, 30 regions of the female brain and 2 regions of the male brain showed deviations from the normal development that would be expected.

• In the female group of study participants, significant cortical thinning occurred in regions in all lobes of the brain, and in both hemispheres. In the male group, the regions with significant cortical thinning were located only in the occipital lobe.

• In females, the brain regions that showed the greatest acceleration in cortical thinning were those that relate to social cognition, as well as other cognitive functions. These regions are the bilateral fusiform, the left insula, and the left superior temporal cortex.

Researchers discussed possible reasons for these changes. First, adolescence ushers in significant changes that relate to emotions, behavior, and social development. Teens become more independent individuals, separating from their parents, socializing with their peers, and developing their own identity.

At the same time, the first signs of mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and behavioral disorders, may emerge in the teen years. Females are generally at higher risk for these. But both sexes are more prone to these kinds of disorders when put under stress for prolonged periods, as seen in those with adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).

Males, for their part, were found in another study to show increased risk for different issues after the pandemic, including attention problems, video game addiction, and diminished life satisfaction. But females are believed to have been more impacted by the lack of social interaction caused by the pandemic, for a variety of reasons.

The PNAS study researchers hypothesized that one potential cause for this difference is because females are more likely to rely on their peer relationships for emotional support. Males may have been less affected because their relationships are based more on companionship and joint activities.

We already know that growing numbers of teen girls are struggling with sadness and suicidality as a result of the pandemic, the rise of social media, and other factors. This study supports the notion that young females are at greater risk for mental health issues triggered by these changes.

ONGOING POST-PANDEMIC CARE FOR OUR YOUTH

After comparing male and female adolescents’ brain development before and after COVID, the authors of the PNAS study warned of possible ripple effects in the future. They concluded that the ongoing stress caused by the pandemic and its associated lifestyle changes, such as lockdowns, may have long-term effects on the brain.

However, they added, because the study looked at adolescents from 12-16 years old, more research is needed to determine the pandemic’s effects on younger children, as well as young adults.

“Accelerated cortical maturation might make individuals who were adolescents during the pandemic lockdowns more susceptible to developing neuropsychiatric disorders and possibly even neurodegenerative disorders as they age,” the study’s authors stated.

Because of this increased risk, they urged ongoing monitoring and support for our youth in the wake of COVID lockdowns. Being proactive about mental health issues in young people can make a world of difference. Seeking help from a mental health professional can benefit their mental and physical health over the long term.

Are you experiencing the heartbreak and devastation of having your adult child cut off contact with you?  Do you find yourself ruminating about your parenting, looking for what you may have done wrong? Are you desperate to re-establish contact?

For a parent, estrangement from an adult child can be one of life’s greatest pains. Unfortunately, cutting off a parent or parents (having no contact for a temporary amount of time or indefinitely) is becoming increasingly common among adult children—especially young adult children.

The exact prevalence of parental estrangement is not clear as research is new. However, one longitudinal survey study published in 2023 in the Journal of Marriage and the Family showed that 26% of respondents reported estrangement from fathers at an average age of 23 years old, and 6% of respondents reported estrangement from mothers at an average age of 26 years old.

If you or someone you know is suffering from parental estrangement, here’s what experts believe is driving this phenomenon, as well as tips on how to cope and work toward reconciliation.

WHY ARE ADULT CHILDREN CUTTING PARENTS OFF?

An adult child who experienced physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or serious neglect at the hands of a parent may unquestionably need to have no contact with that parent in order to protect themselves or loved ones.

Additionally, estrangement may be the necessary solution for adult children who have parents that vilify them for their gender identities or sexualities or who continue to disparage them for their religious or political beliefs.

These and other clear-cut reasons for estrangement such as parental substance use and untreated mental health conditions have been reported by adult children in research.

Yet, there are a host of additional less clear reasons adult children are going “no contact,” which may not involve such egregious behavior.  Indeed, well-meaning parents who make mistakes, and sometimes big ones, as all parents do, may find themselves cut off and baffled.

COMPLEX FACTORS IN PARENTAL ESTRANGEMENT

It can be heartening for estranged parents to learn there are many influences at play when it comes to estrangement. The survey mentioned above additionally revealed that the transition to young adulthood is one of the most volatile periods in the parent-child tie.

This time period is associated with a marked reduction in both closeness and contact, indicating a potential developmental factor involved. Estrangement can also happen when an adult child finds a mate or gets married and is negatively influenced by a spouse or partner.

Another significant driver of estrangement is divorce and resulting parental alienation and/or potential new spouses and stepsiblings. Children or adult children may feel displaced by new spouses and children and/or poisoned against one parent.

Culture shifts in filial ties seem to be playing a part in estrangement too. Today’s younger adult children do not share the social norm of familial obligation seen in previous generations.

They often place greater value on individualism, the pursuit of happiness, and developing healthy relationships. When they feel criticized, unsupported, unloved, and/or treated without empathy in a parental relationship, they do not feel obliged to maintain it, if it proves to be too difficult or stressful.

These factors are reflected in a study that solicited reasons for estrangement from 52 adult children. The participants cited the following reasons for estrangement:

• Parental toxic behavior
• Feeling unsupported
• Feeling unaccepted
• Feeling unloved

They also found their parents’ narrow-minded viewpoint and self-centered behavior to be roadblocks to resolution. Experts have observed that young adults increasingly view parents as a source of trauma, and estrangement as a path to healing.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a leader in parental estrangement and author of Rules of Engagement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties & How to Heal the Conflict, has observed several conditions driving estrangement in his practice working with both parents and adult children.

In a popular blog post on causes of estrangement, he notes that the common perception that estranged parents must have behaved egregiously when raising their children and into their adulthood is often untrue.

In fact, he notes that estrangement can result from too much careful, conscientious, anxious parenting, which is so common today. Also referred to as helicopter parenting, in adulthood, these children may struggle to find their own footing unless they cut off ties. He calls it “cutting off the parent to find themselves.”

Parents’ greater involvement in their children’s lives came with the expectation that their efforts would produce happy, successful adults. Yet, having been over-parented and overprotected, some young adult children lack resilience and struggle in today’s world. Young adults are also experiencing higher levels of depression and anxiety.

Compounding the problem, there are many therapists who hold the mistaken notion that most of an adult child’s difficulties today are a result of poor parenting and/or trauma in childhood, according to Dr. Coleman.

Indeed, TikTok, Reddit, and Instagram are rife with posts about cutting ties with toxic, narcissistic, boundary-crossing, gaslighting parents in the name of mental health.

Thus, blaming a parent and cutting them off can be a child’s reaction to their difficult circumstances (like having trouble getting a job or making enough money) and avoiding taking responsibility for their own unhappiness.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND ESTRANGEMENT

In another more recent survey conducted by researchers at the University of Cambridge, respondents overwhelmingly attributed parental estrangement to emotional abuse. In this survey, 59% of respondents noted emotional abuse from mothers and 65% from fathers.

Interestingly, emotional abuse is highly subjective. The term is being applied to behavior that may not have been deemed abusive a generation ago.

Dr. Coleman believes that young adult children are more likely to term what are relatively normal “slings and arrows” of family life as emotional abuse.

This idea of today’s young adult children pathologizing everyday experience is echoed in an article published in Psychological Inquiry.

In some cases, breaking off contact may not be a heroic escape from abuse but rather, conflict avoidance.

The take-home message here for estranged parents is that there are many factors involved in parental estrangement, and your role in the broken relationship may be smaller than you think.

6 TIPS FOR ESTRANGED PARENTS

Because the adult child typically initiates estrangement, parents are usually the ones who must make the first steps toward reconciliation. The following tips are gleaned from experts in parental estrangement and research. They do not guarantee reconciliation, but they may make it more likely. They may also help a suffering estranged parent find relief from the pain.

1. Accept it’s unfair.

It can feel very unfair to have your adult child cut you off, knowing how much time, energy, and resources you poured into your child. You may have many good memories of positive experiences with them.

You may want to defend your record as a parent when they accuse you of gaslighting, toxic, abusive, and narcissistic behavior. You may feel your adult child is rewriting family history, reframing typical family squabbles as outbursts of emotional abuse, and remembering timeouts as episodes of traumatic punishment or neglect.

You may have been a very good parent and, still, your child will not talk to you. It’s not fair. But until you accept that it’s not fair, you will continue to be very angry and less likely to do what’s necessary to make reconciliation possible. 

2. Seek to understand your child’s perspective.

If your goal is reconciliation, stop defending yourself and demanding that your adult child understand you. Instead, seek to understand your child’s perspective.

Assume they have reasons for cutting you off, even if you think their point of view is inaccurate or overblown. They have all the power in the negotiation.

Dr. Joshua Coleman suggests that parents look for the “kernel of truth” in the bushel of complaints. Hear their feelings. Validate their perspective. This does not mean you have to agree with their perspective but try to find the piece of it that is your responsibility.

3. Be your best supporter.

It’s vital to develop unconditional love for yourself and continue to enjoy your life. When your child turns against you, it’s hard to hold your value as a human being.

One recommended exercise is to jot down things you did for your child and ways you showed love, caring, support, and dedication. Read it when your self-esteem is feeling particularly low.

Surround yourself with loving, supportive, understanding friends who remind you of your positive attributes. You may need to compartmentalize your relationship with your adult child in order to move forward with living your life. 

4. Work with a therapist or join a group.

There are many qualified mental health professionals now that are trained in parental estrangement, as well as support groups for estranged families. Seek help. Don’t go it alone.

A 2022 study found that individuals who were experiencing family estrangement reported feeling less ashamed, less alone, and significantly less distressed after attending a support group with people facing similar situations.

5. Craft an amends letter.

If you work with a therapist individually, one of the most important steps they can guide you through is devising a way to make amends with your estranged adult child—usually in the form of an amends letter. It will help set the grounds for reconciliation.

The amends letter serves to provide an opportunity for you to express your desire to learn more about your adult child’s experience, to take responsibility for wrongs in the past, and your willingness to work to improve the relationship, if they choose.

Experts warn against defending yourself, criticizing your child, attempting to manipulate with guilt, expressing anger, or making any demands in the letter. It will only thwart your efforts to achieve reconciliation.

At a later point, if you build a more equitable relationship with your adult child, you might have the opportunity to share your perspective and feelings.

6. Be patient.

While the amends letter often provides an opening for healing, it may not. Be patient. Your adult child may not be ready for any number of reasons, including:

• They may be too influenced by a partner or alienated by an ex-spouse to reach out to you.
• They may be too saddled with their own mental health conditions to see you clearly.
• If their life is not going well, they need to blame you for how it has turned out.
• They need more time to find themselves in the world without you.

Try to let go of any expectations you may have about when and if reconciliation happens. Let them reach out to you. Sometimes if you stop contacting your child and trying so hard, it may give your adult child space to miss you.

IF YOUR ADULT CHILD REACHES OUT

Try to appreciate any effort your child makes to contact you, even if it’s a cryptic text. Remember that you are playing the long game. Reconciliation may take years, if it happens.

On a brighter note, research shows that the majority of estranged adult children become un-estranged. An estimated 81% reconnect with their mothers, and 69% reconnect with their fathers.

Is your child struggling with a short attention span? Do they have problems with follow-through, staying organized, and procrastination? Or perhaps they’ve shown poor impulse control, such as speaking before thinking.

If so, you may already have suspected attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), also known as attention deficit disorder (ADD), as a potential culprit.

Case numbers of these conditions continue to grow in the U.S. In 2020-22, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported that 11.3% of children ages 5-17 years had been diagnosed with ADHD—up from 9.4% of children between ages 2-17 in 2016.

We know that this complex and often misunderstood neurodevelopmental disorder can have devastating effects over a lifetime. Troubles at school, underperformance at work, and substance abuse are just some potential consequences.

Numerous factors can contribute to ADHD symptoms, such as genetics, infections, and head injuries. Other brain-altering influences, like excessive video game playing and diets heavy in processed foods, are on the rise as a result of modern-day lifestyles.

But there are other, even lesser-known contributing factors that many parents never consider. These issues relate to facial structure and breathing problems. Some experts suggest there may be an ADHD face type.

Studies have been uncovering the connection between these factors and mental health symptoms for decades. And these influences are being linked not only with ADD/ADHD, but also with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), anxiety, and depression.

THE LINK BETWEEN FACIAL FEATURES AND MENTAL HEALTH SYMPTOMS

Mouth breathing, undefined cheekbones, a set-back jaw and a receding chin may seem like benign physical attributes. However, such traits are associated with habits like mouth breathing and sleep-disordered breathing such as obstructive sleep apnea (OSA).

This can limit oxygen supply to the brain, which can play a role in a range of mental health symptoms.

Let’s take a closer look at some of these traits—and their potential effects on adolescents.

1. Mouth breathing

In 2013, a study published in Neuroreport noted that those who breathe through their mouth rather than their nose were more likely to have sleep disorders and ADHD. The study speculated that a possible cause for this association was “continued oxygen load on the prefrontal cortex from mouth breathing during the waking hours…arising from central fatigue.”

In 2021, another study investigated the effects of mouth breathing on cognitive function. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers found that nasal breathing was associated with more brain activation and connection, versus oral breathing.

These effects can interrupt working memory and cognitive function. The result can then be hallmark signs of ADD/ADHD—decreases in attention, short-term memory, and concentration—leading to outcomes like diminished academic ability.

2. Sleep-disordered breathing

Mouth breathing may lead to obstructive sleep apnea, a sleep disorder that can impact the brain. In brain SPECT scans performed at Amen Clinics, OSA often coincides with multiple areas of low blood flow. In fact, these brain scans closely resemble those of early Alzheimer’s patients.

A 2020 study in Iran, published in the Iranian Journal of Otorhinolaryngology, noted that sleep-disordered breathing is a relatively common problem, affecting up to 1% of children. Symptoms can include snoring, difficulty breathing, restless sleep, and frequent awakenings throughout the night.

These children may also demonstrate behavioral disorders. Researchers pointed out the link between sleep disorders and disruptive conduct such as violence, learning disturbances, and social withdrawal.

They also noted evidence that sleep disorders are associated with problems in memory, comprehension, and carrying out daily activities.

3. Micrognathia 

Micrognathia describes a lower jaw that is underdeveloped or smaller than usual. The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia explains that it can coincide with various conditions that affect the face and skull—for example, appearing as a birth defect in other syndromes.

Micrognathia symptoms include:

• Spells of apnea (temporary interruptions in breathing)
• Poor sleep
• Abnormal tooth alignment
• Noisy breathing
• Interference with feeding (prolonged feeding or inability to feed)

4. Retrognathia

Retrognathia, on the other hand, refers to an unusual position of the mandible (the jaw) and can also be linked to obstructive sleep apnea, according to the National Library of Medicine. Experts have established that, due to the physical changes that can present as a result of retrognathia, adolescents can experience mental health symptoms like depression and social isolation.

5. Enlarged tonsils and adenoids 

A study published in The Journal of Laryngology and Otology noted that enlarged tonsils and adenoids also create obstructive sleep-disordered breathing, which then disrupts normal development of the nervous system.

As a result, children with these traits were found in the study to be more likely to struggle with:

• Poor brain development
• Sleep problems
• Emotional disturbances, including emotional instability, anxiety, and depressive symptoms 

However, researchers from the Iranian study referenced above investigated the effect of adenotonsillectomy (removal of the adenoids and tonsils) on children with ADHD. Parents of the participating children reported a marked decrease in the severity of ADHD symptoms in follow-ups conducted 6 months after this type of operation.

Ultimately, the study’s authors recommended that children suspected to have ADHD should also be tested for enlarged adenoids and tonsils.

COMMON MENTAL HEALTH SYMPTOMS

Clearly, children with any of the above traits may develop a range of mental health symptoms and conditions—not only ADD/ADHD. Here are some signs to look out for in these other common mental health disorders.

Autism symptoms include:

• Difficulty with reciprocal communication or initiating communication
• Deficits in social skills or non-verbal communication, such as understanding social cues or facial expressions
• Repetitive movements, such as rocking
• Rigid adherence to routines and habits
• Behavioral symptoms
• Difficulty learning new skills
• Aversion to change
• Sensory sensitivities
• Having an intense focus on certain things
• Echolalia (repeating words or sentences others say)
• Speech delays or significantly impaired language skills
• Poor eye contact
• Sleep disorders
• Narrow food preferences
• Intellectual disability
• Self-injurious behavior, such as repetitive head-banging, scratching, or biting
• Social isolation

Anxiety symptoms include:

• Excessive and constant worry
• Frequently feeling nervous or anxious
• Muscle tension, such as headaches, soreness, or trembling hands
• Rapid heartbeat, nausea, dizziness, or other physical health symptoms
• Multiple persistent fears or a specific phobia
• Conflict avoidance
• Excessive fear of being judged or scrutinized by others
• Being easily startled, shy, timid, or embarrassed
• Tendency to freeze in distressing situations
• Panic attacks
• Avoidance of people or places (agoraphobia)
• Biting fingernails or picking skin

Depression symptoms include:

• Loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities
• Persistent sad or negative mood
• Restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, or pessimism
• Sleeping too much or too little, or early-morning awakening
• Appetite changes and/or weight loss or weight gain
• Decreased energy or feeling “slow”
• Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• Persistent physical symptoms (such as headaches, digestive problems, or chronic pain)
• Chronic low self-esteem
• Persistent feeling of being dissatisfied or bored

While these are helpful general guidelines, keep in mind that mental health conditions and symptoms are complex. For example, brain-imaging studies at Amen Clinics have revealed 7 different types of depression and anxiety, and 7 types of ADD/ADHD.

Receiving a full mental health assessment, preferably aided by brain imaging with single photon emission computed tomography (SPECT) will help determine the full picture and inform an effective treatment program.

MOUTH HEALTH AND MENTAL HEALTH

Many people remain unaware of the links between facial structure, mouth and dental issues, and mental health symptoms. But with mental health issues continuing to rise—especially among young people—researchers continue to seek new insights to help improve their outcomes.

If your child may have issues that relate to the skull, including the mouth, jaw, and teeth, it’s a good idea to have them checked early in life. And if they start exhibiting the signs of mental health conditions in their childhood or teens, don’t overlook the possibility of these links.

With more awareness among medical experts and parents alike, we can increase the effectiveness of treatment for conditions and symptoms like depression, anxiety, ADD/ADHD, and autism. And we can intervene on these concerns before they negatively impact a child’s life over the long term.