UNDERSTANDING THE ROOTS OF YOUR CHILD’S ANGER

Anger is a natural human emotion that both adults and children experience. But when it becomes frequent, intense, and disruptive to your child’s daily life, you need to look beneath the surface.

When you understand what causes anger in children, you become more empowered to respond with empathy and compassion rather than frustration. 

Here are some of the common triggers for anger in children:

1. Unmet Expectations

Do you always find yourself asking,” Why is my child so angry?” especially whenever they explode over issues that appear small? Research shows that exhaustion, overstimulation, hunger, or feeling ignored are needs that, when unmet, can escalate into outbursts.

2. Communication Challenges

Kids with explosive tempers are usually not able to express what they are feeling, more so when embarrassment, fear, or jealousy are at play. Being unable to find the right words or feeling misunderstood can make your child’s frustration build up so quickly that it results in yelling, defiance or aggression. 

3. Environmental Stressors

Signs of anger issues in children can also emerge as a result of them being in an environment that feels unstable or overwhelming. Events like moving to another home, starting a new school, the arrival of a new sibling, or parental conflict can disrupt their sense of stability and safety.

Such stressors can spark insecurity and confusion, making the child easily irritable. 

4. Developmental Stages

Research shows that some of the stages in child development are more emotionally intense compared to others. For instance, during the “terrible twos,” your toddler may want to do things by themselves, but they are yet to learn the skills to manage frustration.

Likewise, adolescents have social pressure and identity to deal with, which can make them more sensitive and reactive. 

Both stages are characterized by a strong desire for autonomy, which may lead to frustration, anger, and power struggles, especially when they feel restricted or misunderstood. 

5. Underlying Mental Health Conditions

In some children, chronic anger may be the result of deeper issues. Mental health issues like anxiety, ADHD, sensory processing difficulties, and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) can alter how a child processes stimuli and regulates their emotions.

In such cases, anger may be a sign that a neuropsychological issue needs attention. If a child’s temper is leading to behavioral or school problems, it’s a sign there may be an underlying mental health problem.

Related: A Parent’s Guide to Children’s Mental Health

STRATEGIES TO ADDRESS AND MITIGATE ANGER

Understanding how to deal with an angry child is an important step towards helping them through difficult emotions. So here are ways in which you can empower your child:

1. Encourage open communication.

Reassure your child that it’s OK to talk to you about how they feel at any time, even if they are angry. Frustrations in a child begin to ease when they feel heard and understood.

You can achieve that by using open-ended questions, for example, “Can you help me understand what happened?” and “What do you need right now to feel better?”

2. Teach simple coping mechanisms.

You can gently guide your child on how to manage emotions like anger by introducing coping tools that are simple and age appropriate. Help them regain control using techniques like: 

• Taking a deep breath
• Slowly counting up to 10
• Using phrases like “I need a break” or “I’m upset”

3. Establish consistent routines.

Studies show that children thrive in routines. Knowing what to expect can make your child feel safer.

You can lower your child’s anxiety and reduce their anger flare-ups by establishing regular mealtimes and bedtimes. Also, when change is unavoidable, try notifying them in advance.

4. Model appropriate behavior.

Your child will mirror how you handle stress in their presence. If you respond with self-control and calmness, they will start doing the same over time.

Try naming your emotions, too. For example, “I’m feeling so disappointed right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”

5. Know when to seek professional support.

If your child’s anger is frequent, feels overwhelming, or affects their relationships in school or at home, it’s time to reach out for professional support.

Functional brain imaging, such as SPECT, and child mental health assessments can be very instrumental in identifying underlying issues. Such evaluations can guide mental health experts in creating tailored treatment plans that work long-term.

Related: 33 Best Tips for Raising Mentally Strong Kids