So often we worry about things in life and situations that are out of our control.
When you are stuck on a negative story about yourself, someone, or something, ask yourself:
• Whose business are you in?
• In your story, your internal drama, whose affairs are you concerned with? Yours? Someone else? The Universe’s?
What Can We Control?
We can really only change ourselves, and even that is difficult. We’ll never know what is best for others. Can you really know that someone should go to college, even your children? Some people do not attend college and have wonderful and successful lives, sometimes contributing much to society. If your child isn’t inclined to try college right then, so be it. It’s the child’s decision, and it should a decision they make after you helped them think it through.
In the case of the college decision, it’s not your business after you helped the child think it through, it’s the child’s business. But what about God’s or the universe’s business? Well, that has to do with situations like whether you have a stroke, or whether a meteor falls on your house. You owe it to yourself and your family to try to remain as healthy as you can and take care of yourself, but that might not be enough—you still could have a stroke.
Many factors of life are beyond our realm of control and worry. Natural disasters, accidents, life decisions, raising children, growing old, etc. are matters in life where we may only play a small role, if at all. The world will continue to turn with us, and us with it.
Here are some additional tips to stay focused on the things you can control:
1. Learn to postpone worrying by creating a ‘worry’ journal
2. Ask yourself if the problem is solvable
3. Distinguish between solvable and unsolvable feelings
4. Accept uncertainty
5. Challenge anxious thoughts, kill the ANTs!
Focusing on whose business we are in helps us focus on what we can control, usually only ourselves, and helps us move away from being stuck on the things we can’t control. Contact us today at 888-288-9834, or visit us online.
Solid truth. I learned about Byron Katie from Dr Amen’s books. She essentially covers this premise as well in Loving What Is.
Comment by Jared B — June 10, 2016 @ 12:05 PM
Thanks. I need to think on these things today.
Comment by Lynn Dell — June 10, 2016 @ 3:32 PM
Well said! Easier said then done though sometimes I’d have to say. Especially with your children that have some challenges & you only want what’s best for them (yes that’s eventually fully in their court) but until their 18 and/or independent it’s HARD to do at least for me!
Comment by Patty — June 10, 2016 @ 7:32 PM
Thanks. I needed to be reminded of that!!
Comment by shelia in TX — June 11, 2016 @ 1:17 PM
The College Preview trip my son and I took on March 10-12 put an even greater wedge between us. When he told me I ALWAYS make him wrong, I saw the writing on the wall. He’s going to go off to college, yes, resenting his mother.
Comment by Marilynn Hopman — June 11, 2016 @ 1:26 PM
Well said. Hard truth that takes time to digest. We can want so much for others to succeed on terms we choose, but they must ultimately choose their own terms. We can only choose our own terms with respect to ourselves.
Comment by Wes King — June 12, 2016 @ 8:54 PM