How to Heal from Common Adult Children of Alcoholics Traits
Facebook-f X-twitter Youtube Table of Contents 5 Common Traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics + How to Heal Growing up in a home with an
Table of Contents
5 Common Traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics + How to Heal
Growing up in a home with an alcoholic parent often means growing up without stability. Chaos, unpredictability, and emotional neglect become the norm—forcing children to adapt in order to survive. Over time, these adaptations can turn into deeply ingrained coping patterns.
While these survival strategies may protect children in the moment, they can quietly undermine mental health, relationships, and self-esteem in adulthood. Many adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs) carry these patterns forward, even if they never develop alcohol use disorder themselves.
Adult children of alcoholics (ACoA) traits describe the lasting psychological and brain-health effects of growing up in an alcoholic home. In this blog, you’ll learn five common ACoA traits—and the science-backed paths that can help foster healing and long-term well-being.
Adult children of alcoholics may have an increased risk of mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, ADHD, and complex PTSD. They may also lack trust or relationship building skills.
How Does Growing Up with an Alcoholic Parent Affect Adult Mental Health?
The presence of substance use disorder (SUD) in American homes is growing. In 2019, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychology reported that one in five adult Americans lived with an alcoholic relative while growing up.
Related: Alcoholic Parents: What Does It Do to a Child’s Brain?
Sadly, stats from the 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health found that almost 19 million U.S. children—now one in four—lived with at least one SUD-affected parent or primary caregiver.
When one or both parents struggle with alcoholism (or other dangerous drug use), the home environment can be highly disruptive for a child of an alcoholic. Alcoholic behavior from a parent may lead to:
- Mood swings
- Neglect
- Unpredictability
- Emotional dysregulation
- Domestic violence
At the same time, children observe their parent’s faulty coping strategies as they reach for numbing substances. They may never witness their parent modeling healthy emotional regulation. All of the household members therefore suffer from high levels of stress.
These children then grow up to face complex issues as adults. For example, ACoAs may have an increased risk of mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). They may also lack trust or relationship building skills.
Adult children of alcoholics are more likely to develop issues with substance abuse (or other impulsive behaviors) or enter into partnerships with addicted individuals. They may exhibit perfectionism, codependency, or people-pleasing. They may fear conflict or abandonment, leading to hypervigilance.
We now know, from research about adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), how much childhood development can impact adult outcomes—in terms of both mental and physical health. Various studies have found that a child’s brain development is very sensitive to its environment.
A loving, predictable home helps foster healthy brain development in children. Conversely, brain development is often compromised in households with trauma, instability, abuse, or neglect.
Chronic exposure to adverse and traumatic experiences constantly sends the brain’s stress activation system into overdrive. This stress impacts the functions of the body’s immune, metabolic, and cardiovascular systems.
The constant flood of stress hormones also disrupts the delicate balance of neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) that are necessary for healthy brain function. These processes are especially important as the brain develops in childhood.
As a result, certain areas of the brain may be stunted, such as the hippocampus (important for memory formation). Moreover, when a child’s brain is so often stuck in fight-or-flight mode, they may experience difficulties with:
- Self-regulation
- Learning
- Social interactions
- Controlling emotions
- Aggression
- Nightmares
- Forming and maintaining healthy attachment
Finally, research has noted the increased likelihood of ACoAs developing oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), and eating disorders. They may be hyperactive or inattentive in school, have personality problems, or struggle with finding a job, among other difficulties.
The field of epigenetics illustrates how these issues can be passed along from one generation to the next. This fuels the cycle of generational trauma. That’s why even the grandchildren of alcoholics can feel the effects of an alcoholic home.
What Are the Traits of Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents?
If you grew up in a family with SUD, you’re not alone. Here are five common traits of adult children of alcoholics, which may also occur within a dysfunctional family of any kind:
1. Fear of others.
Growing up around adults with volatile and unpredictable moods leads to fear of criticism, distrust of and fear of authority figures, and often isolation or withdrawal.
Chronic fear can physically change the brain. The amygdala, or fear center of the brain, becomes overactive. At the same time, studies have shown that stress impacts the hippocampus in numerous ways, including reducing its volume.
Together, these changes can make people perceive threats even when none are present. As a result, the individual experiences excess anxiety and fear, interfering with everyday tasks and well-being.
2. Relationship problems.
When a child has not witnessed or learned from a healthy caretaker, many types of toxic relationship patterns can follow them into adulthood. These issues can take many forms, including:
- Codependency
- Rescuing others
- Selecting emotionally unavailable partners
- Staying in toxic relationships
- Confusing love with pity
- Trying to fix others rather than focusing on their own problems
We know that unhappy relationships take a significant toll on mental and physical health. In fact, one Harvard study, spanning more than 80 years, found that positive relationships, more than any other metric, were the factor most likely to boost a person’s longevity and quality of life.
3. Lack of self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can manifest in multiple ways and negatively impact virtually every area of life. This trait may emerge in behaviors such as:
- Unhealthy approval seeking
- Difficulty identifying and voicing one’s own needs
- Feeling guilt when putting oneself first
- Low self-worth
These habits erode relationships and interfere with performance at school, work, or in the home as a parent. Low self-esteem is associated with underachieving, fear of trying, and feelings of anxiety and depression.
4. Denial.
For many adult children of alcoholics, accepting that their childhood was dysfunctional, unhealthy, or damaging may be very difficult. These children have often learned to suppress their emotions and, even as adults, refuse to acknowledge how they have been affected.
Or they may simply minimize the impact of their alcoholic home. They might say, “It could have been worse” or “No one’s parents are perfect.”
While these statements may be accurate, not facing up to the damages wrought by alcoholic parents can lead to unresolved issues building up. Eventually, without a safe way to process them, they create behavioral or emotional eruptions and harm mental and physical health over time.
5. Hypervigilance.
Growing up in a chaotic home teaches children to be on constant alert. As adults, if this habit continues, they remain on guard and tend to be “jumpy.”
Similarly, they may be unable to relax or fully trust a person or situation. Early exposure to trauma conditions the nervous system to constantly scan for threats rather than rest. This hypervigilance is draining, exhausting the body and mind.
Related: The Generational Impact of Addiction
What Brain Health Strategies Help Heal Adult Children of Alcoholics?
Because this population is more likely to develop mental health issues, it’s crucial to monitor, maintain, and maximize ACoA brain health. Several brain-healthy strategies help to repair the damaging effects of an alcoholic parent.
That’s the good news. Although people who grew up with alcoholic parents face unique challenges, they absolutely can heal and thrive, provided they are willing to seek help.
Here are several ways to heal adult children of alcoholics traits, improve their mental health, and embrace a new freedom:
1. Explore psychotherapy.
Various therapeutic approaches can help with the effects of trauma, negative thinking patterns, and problematic behaviors. These include:
- Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) helps to take the emotional charge out of traumatic memories, while still maintaining the memory. With usually just a few sessions needed, it is useful for faster processing of trauma. It can be particularly helpful for those with CPTSD.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps individuals identify and replace their negative or harmful thinking and behavior patterns. This may include addressing automatic negative thoughts and finding healthier coping skills for stress.
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can be more effective than CBT for improving executive function, one study (However, in the same study, CBT was more effective for reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.)
2. Receive a brain-health evaluation.
Assessment, including brain SPECT imaging, helps determine how well your brain is functioning. It can assist in distinguishing between conditions with overlapping symptoms.
Scans are also useful to increase awareness of any co-occurring brain patterns of ACoAs. For example, results may point to an ADD subtype, such as overfocused ADD. This knowledge can decrease stigma and guide more effective treatment plans.
3. Be proactive.
Stay aware of your family history and be proactive in terms of prevention for the next generations. As we touched on earlier, even grandchildren of alcoholics can feel the reverberations of an alcoholic home, and kids should be educated on their unique risks.
Learn healthy coping and emotional regulation skills to deal with stressors—and model them for your own children. Changing these patterns will ensure that the lineage of dysfunction doesn’t need to infect future generations.
4. Seek recovery.
There are 12-step recovery groups, such as Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (known as ACA or ACoA), that offer meetings and literature to help survivors heal. Similar programs, such as Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) support groups, can also be instrumental in healing adult children of alcoholics.
5. Create a stress-busting routine.
Meditation, mindfulness, deep breathing, and journaling or writing a daily gratitude list can all help to keep stress levels down and to process difficult emotions. Healthy lifestyle habits can help minimize stress as well, including regular exercise, following a nutritious diet, spending time in nature, and ensuring good sleep hygiene.
Can Adults Affected by an Alcoholic Parent Heal?
Adults impacted by an alcoholic can absolutely find healing. While childhood makes lasting imprints on all of us, it doesn’t have to sentence anyone to a lifetime of struggle and unhappiness. Thanks to the powers of neuroplasticity, the brain can repair itself, even from deep-seated emotional trauma.
With increased awareness of your challenges, patterns, and family dynamics—and by using the tools above—you can recover well-being. Remember that the cycle of generational family trauma can end with you.
FAQ About Common Traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics
1. What are the most common traits of adult children of alcoholics?
Common traits of adult children of alcoholics include fear of others and authority figures, relationship problems (such as codependency and rescuing), low self-esteem, denial of their childhood’s impact, and hypervigilance or constant alertness.
2. How does growing up with an alcoholic parent affect one’s adult mental health?
Exposure to unpredictable moods, emotional neglect, inconsistent care, and trauma in childhood can lead to a variety of negative effects. These include anxiety, depression, attention issues, complex PTSD, low self-worth, relational difficulties, and brain-health impacts in adulthood.
3. Can adult children of alcoholics develop brain patterns or conditions not typical for others?
Yes. Some ACoAs show brain patterns such as a subtype of ADHD known as “overfocused.” This brain pattern is associated with rigid thinking, worry, and inflexibility. These individuals may require more tailored brain-health approaches beyond standard treatments.
4. What can adult children of alcoholics do to heal from their past and change their patterns?
Potentially successful approaches include trauma-informed therapy (such as EMDR, CBT, and DBT) and brain-health evaluation (including SPECT scans and lifestyle changes).
In addition, it’s important for an adult child to make healthy relational choices, such as setting boundaries and avoiding rescuing roles. Be sure to educate next-generation children about their family history and associated risks.
5. Is it too late for adult children of alcoholics to change their lives and mental health outcomes?
No. Although early childhood shapes the brain and behavior, adults can still change their patterns. With a personalized, brain-based treatment program, such as what Amen Clinics offers, they can build self-esteem, improve relationships, and address brain-health issues. As a result, they can prevent these traits from affecting their children or grandchildren.
The brain and mental health challenges adult children of alcoholics experience can’t wait. At Amen Clinics, we provide personalized, science-backed treatment plans designed to target the root causes of your symptoms. Our 360-approach includes brain SPECT imaging, clinical evaluations, innovative therapeutic techniques, medications (when necessary), and holistic lifestyle recommendations to promote the health of your brain, body, and mind. Speak to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.
Amen Clinics
Founded in 1989 by double-board certified psychiatrist and neuroscientist Daniel G. Amen, MD, Amen Clinics Inc. (ACI) is known as the best brain and mental health company in the world. Our clinical staff includes over 50 healthcare specialists, including adult and child psychiatrists, integrative (functional) medicine physicians, naturopaths, addiction specialists, forensic psychiatrists, geriatric psychiatrists, nutritionists, licensed therapists, and more. Our clinicians have all been hand-selected and personally trained by Dr. Amen, whose mission is to end mental illness by creating a revolution in brain health. Over the last 35-plus years, ACI has built the world’s largest database of functional brain scans—over 250,000 SPECT scans on patients from 155 countries—related to how people think, feel, and behave.
References
- American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychology. Alcohol Use in Families. No. 17; Updated May 2019. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-Of-Alcoholics-017.aspx
- National Institutes of Health. Millions of U.S. kids live with parents with substance use disorders. June 3, 2025. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/millions-us-kids-live-parents-substance-use-disorders
- AlSaad, Hebah & AlSaad, Amal & Khalifah, Zahra & Almogarry, Lubna & Alsaihaty, Essra. (2023). Psychological, Behavioral, and Developmental Impact on Children of Alcoholics. International Journal of Medicine in Developing Countries. 1. 10.24911/IJMDC.51-1672650644.
- Kim EJ, Pellman B, Kim JJ. Stress effects on the hippocampus: a critical review. Learn Mem. 2015 Aug 18;22(9):411-6. doi: 10.1101/lm.037291.114. PMID: 26286651; PMCID: PMC4561403.
- Good genes are nice, but joy is better. By Liz Mineo, Harvard Staff Writer. The Harvard Gazette. April 11, 2017. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life
- Afshari B, Jafarian Dehkordi F, Asgharnejad Farid AA, Aramfar B, Balagabri Z, Mohebi M, Mardi N, Amiri P. Study of the effects of cognitive behavioral therapy versus dialectical behavior therapy on executive function and reduction of symptoms in generalized anxiety disorder. Trends Psychiatry Psychother. 2022 Aug 31;44:e20200156. doi: 10.47626/2237-6089-2020-0156. PMID: 35559733; PMCID: PMC10039721.
- Adult Children of Alcoholic & Dysfunctional Families. https://adultchildren.org/
