7 Worst Things To Say To Someone With OCD

OCD can often be casually dismissed as a strictly behavioral problem that has to do with being overly organized, neurotic about cleanliness, and a perfectionist to the point of exhaustion.

Could all of those be true? Yes.

But that’s just scratching the surface of how OCD impacts the people living with the condition and their loved ones who are struggling to understand it. An overwhelming and all-consuming anxiety often comes with living with OCD.

As the fourth most common mental disorder, OCD impacts about 3% of the population at some point in their lifetime which equals millions of people. Words can have the greatest impact on whether they believe they’re worth seeking help.

Learning how to help someone with OCD can make all the difference in seeking support and getting the right treatment. Knowing what not to say is part of the equation.

At Amen Clinics, we have worked with thousands of patients struggling with OCD. Many of them have shared hurtful comments they have heard from friends, colleagues, and loved ones. This blog will reveal the phrases that sting the most and are most detrimental to the healing process.

WHAT IS OCD?

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a chronic mental health condition that causes uncontrollable thoughts, reoccurring behaviors, and ruminating obsessions. It is associated with high levels of anxiety, but it is not currently categorized as an anxiety disorder.

Here are some obsessions and compulsions commonly associated with OCD: 

Obsessions:

• Intense fear of germs or contamination
• Chronic worrying about safety or potential dangers
• Unwanted thoughts of causing harm to oneself or others
• Strong need for symmetry, balance, or perfect order
• Distressing and intrusive religious or sexual thoughts
• Body hyperawareness

Compulsions:

• Excessive hand washing or overly frequent cleaning
• Repeatedly checking things like locks or appliances
• Counting or repeating specific words or phrases
• Constantly arranging or organizing items in a particular way
• Engaging in mental rituals like silent prayers or mental counting
• Chronic lateness and struggles with time management

With OCD being so widespread, many people either know someone with OCD or experience it themselves. However, despite how common it may seem, OCD is often misunderstood or misdiagnosed.

This is why it’s so important to start understanding from a place of empathy and learn what to say to someone with OCD.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WITH OCD

1. “Just stop thinking about it and go to therapy.”

Though this one may seem helpful in getting them help, it can come off as dismissive and simple. Some people with OCD can’t “just stop thinking about it and go to therapy” when their condition is often consumed with mental and physical obstacles.

Oversimplifying OCD can do more harm than good as intrusive thoughts can trigger intense anxiety and trying to suppress it can make symptoms even more persistent.

What To Say Instead:

“I understand this is a difficult time for you. What is the biggest obstacle for you to seek treatment?”

This acknowledges the difficulty of their lived experience and opens the door for them to share what they need from you to get help.

2. “Everyone has little quirks—you’re not special!”

Comparing obsessive-compulsive disorder to little quirky behaviors diminishes the seriousness of this disorder. OCD is not about harmless habits or personality preferences.

This mental health condition can be debilitating when you can’t perform certain compulsions. This leads to a cycle of anxiety and compulsions that have serious ramifications on their mental and physical health and well-being.

What To Say Instead:

“I know OCD is more than a habit or little quirks. I’m here to listen if you need or want to talk about anything.” 

This shows you understand OCD is a serious condition and you’re willing to be a supportive listener when they need it most.

3. “You’re overreacting.”

OCD isn’t as simple as overreacting. And assuming it is easy to resolve actually invalidates OCD sufferers’ experiences and feelings.

For those struggling with the disorder, the fears and compulsions are very real and can cause significant emotional pain. What might seem like an overreaction to you is often a desperate attempt for those living with OCD to alleviate overwhelming anxiety.

What To Say Instead:

“I know this is negatively affecting you and I want to help figure out a way to work through it together.” 

This approach validates their feelings, offers a sense of partnership in facing their challenges, and builds trust for them to know they can communicate with you about it.

4. “Why can’t you just communicate better?”

Asking someone with OCD to communicate better is vague and not the most helpful way to make progress in helping them through their diagnosis.

OCD is rooted in anxiety and fear, so supporting them during a complex journey that often requires therapy and coping strategies can make all the difference.

What To Say Instead:

“I know it’s not easy to communicate all the time, so maybe we can create a code word to know when you’re feeling overwhelmed.” 

This acknowledges the difficulty of letting go, offers support rather than judgment, and gives you an opportunity to bond with them in their most vulnerable moments.

5. “You’re being so OCD right now…”

Using this disorder as an adjective to describe being meticulous, organized, or persistent is not only inaccurate but also dismissive of real challenges.

OCD is not about being overly tidy or having neurotic habits. It’s about experiencing obsessions and compulsions to cope with mental distress.

What To Say Instead:

“I respect what you’re going through and want to help you focus on what we can change or improve right now.” 

This way, you can acknowledge what they’re struggling with and show respect for their challenges. It lets them know you’re willing to take some of the burden rather than making them feel like a burden.

6. “Why are you worrying about that? It’s no big deal!”

With obsessive-compulsive disorder, the worries that drive the condition are not trivial. It can be all-consuming and often irrational, so dismissing their concerns as “no big deal” can make them feel isolated, unheard, and misunderstood.

What To Say Instead:

“I can see this is really troubling for you. Would it help to talk through it, or do you prefer to distract yourself with something else?” 

Offering empathy and a potential strategy for coping with the anxiety and fear that comes with OCD helps minimize the panic. Oftentimes, it can help minimize the chances of analysis paralysis that follows a particularly stressful time.

7. “You just need relax.”

Relaxing is a choice for some, but obsessive-compulsive disorder is a different condition altogether. Telling someone with OCD to “just relax” is dismissive and disheartening.

OCD often requires professional treatment, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), to manage symptoms effectively.

What To Say Instead:

“I know it’s not easy to relax when you’re feeling this way. Can I help you feel more at ease when you’re going through this?” 

By showing your understanding and inviting the person to share what helps them, you can help reinforce that their feelings are valid and their experience matters.

HOW TO HELP SOMEONE WITH OCD

Supporting someone with OCD goes beyond knowing what to say and what not to say. It’s about understanding the nature of the disorder and recognizing that treatment can be a long and challenging process.

On average, it takes adults 14 to 17 years to receive an OCD diagnosis and effective treatment. This delay can contribute to prolonged suffering and an increased risk of developing other mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety.

Here’s how to help someone with OCD:

• Be a supportive listener: Offer a non-judgmental ear, so they feel comfortable sharing their worries, feelings, and coping strategies with you.
• Suggest professional guidance: Encourage them to seek therapy or help them find counseling from a specialist who understands OCD treatments.
• Increase your knowledge: Educate yourself about OCD to gain a deeper understanding, offer better support, and find resources to help them.
• Avoid enabling compulsions: Try not to participate in or affirm compulsive behaviors, which can perpetuate the cycle, by setting boundaries together.
• Be patient with progress: Understand that managing OCD is a gradual process and celebrate small victories to help them stay motivated on their journey.

Whether you know someone or just want to be more aware, your efforts to understand those with OCD can make a meaningful difference in their lives. What you say matters, and your empathy can be a powerful tool in their journey living with OCD.