Do you know someone with ADHD? These days, it seems like we all do. Do you ever wonder what you should say to them, or what you shouldn’t say? Blurting out the wrong thing can exacerbate ADHD symptoms and hurt the feelings of people with ADD. None of us want to do that.

Understanding the nuances of this condition helps you be mindful of how it affects deeper emotional, mood, and behavioral issues. Knowing what to say to someone with ADHD—and what not to say—can make a world of difference in how someone perceives and manages their condition.

In this blog, you’ll discover eight of the worst things to say to someone with ADHD along with more empathetic alternatives to help you support your loved ones (and a few other tips).

WHAT IS ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), also known as attention deficit disorder (ADD), may seem all too common today. However, it’s actually a highly complex diagnosis requiring a much deeper investigation than just a brief office visit and a one-size-fits-all treatment plan.

It’s essential to understand what ADD/ADHD actually is. ADHD is not just a focus and attention issue—it’s a brain issue. This neurodevelopmental disorder can interfere with daily functioning characterized by signs and symptoms like:

• Persistent patterns of inattention
• Short attention span
• Impulsivity
• Hyperactivity
• Hyperarousal
• Emotional dysregulation
• Rejection sensitive dysphoria

One of the most significant misconceptions about ADHD is that it’s as simple as not trying hard enough to concentrate or throwing tantrums. However, ADHD affects the brain’s executive functioning, which makes it challenging to plan, organize, and execute tasks.

This often leads to misunderstandings and frustrations from those who don’t fully grasp the complexity of the disorder.

According to the CDC, an estimated 8.7 million adults in the U.S. have ADHD, while 7 million U.S. children aged 3–17 years have been diagnosed with the disorder. ADHD is not just a “childhood issue.” Like many mental health conditions, it can continue into adulthood, impacting everything from focus and attention to impulse control.

That’s why we’re breaking down how to help someone with ADHD by addressing what to say when they’re struggling.

8 WORST THINGS TO SAY TO PEOPLE WITH ADHD

1. “You’re fine. Everyone has a short attention span now.”

In a world filled with constant distractions and overstimulation, it’s important to know the difference. Equating ADHD to a universal short attention span minimizes the genuine struggles faced by those with the disorder.

What To Say Instead:

“I understand that staying focused can be really challenging for you. Is there anything I can do to help you manage your tasks or time better?”

Acknowledging the real difficulties faced by someone actually diagnosed with ADHD supports them in a way that respects their unique challenges.

2. “You just need to try harder.”

ADHD is not about trying not to have it or make oneself feel differently as a matter of effort or willpower. This neurological condition affects the brain’s ability to regulate attention and impulse control.

Telling someone with ADHD to try harder can make them feel inadequate and frustrated, exacerbating symptoms they’re trying to manage.

What To Say Instead:

“I know you’re doing your best. Let’s figure out a strategy that works for you.” This response validates their efforts and shifts the focus from “trying harder” to finding practical solutions that help them heal.

3. “Why can’t you just sit still?”

Hyperactivity is a common symptom in some types of ADHD, so it’s important to remember that a lack of impulse control includes the urge to move or frequently shift in thought. Asking this question implies their behavior is intentional or something they can easily change in that moment, which is far from the truth.

What To Say Instead:

“I can see that sitting still is tough for you. Let’s take a break or try a different activity.”

This response shows understanding and offers a constructive alternative that aligns with their needs, not just when it’s convenient for you.

4. “ADHD isn’t a real disorder.”

There are a lot of critical things people miss about having ADHD. That’s why assuming it’s not a legitimate condition is not only hurtful but deeply ignorant. There is a wealth of scientific research and clinical data on the mental health disorder that is recognized by major medical and psychiatric organizations worldwide.

What To Say Instead:

“I may not fully understand ADHD, but I believe your experience is real. Can you tell me more about what it’s like for you?”

This opens the door to meaningful conversations with a willingness to learn and empathize with them.

5. “You’re just being lazy.”

Laziness is a common misconception and reinforces negative self-perceptions when it comes to people with ADD. This is not a matter of motivation—it’s a real symptom of the disorder.

What To Say Instead:

“I know it can be tough to get started on tasks. Let’s break it down into smaller steps to work smarter, not harder.”

This allows you to respond from an empathetic place that helps instill faith in their skill when managing tasks without resorting to negative labels or expectations.

6. “You’re just using ADHD as an excuse.”

Implying that someone is using a diagnosis to avoid responsibilities is not only unfair but also harmful. Suggesting they use it as a crutch diminishes the real struggles they face and can lead to feelings of guilt and shame.

What To Say Instead:

“I know ADHD can make things harder for you. I appreciate the effort you’re putting in.”

This acknowledges the challenges posed by ADD and expresses appreciation for their efforts.

7. “You’ll grow out of it.”

While it’s true that some children with ADHD may see a reduction in certain symptoms as they grow older, ADD often persists into adulthood. Assuming someone will simply “grow out of it” overlooks the lifelong impact ADHD can have. In fact, childhood ADHD is associated with an increased risk of death before the age of 46.

What To Say Instead:

“ADHD is something you’ll likely manage throughout your life, and I’m here to support you every step of the way.”

This response shows a long-term commitment to support and understanding, rather than dismissing the ongoing nature of the disorder.

8. “You should be over this by now.”

For adults who have lived with it for years, hearing they should be “over it” by now is dismissive and unrealistic as ADHD is something that can’t be “cured” or outgrown. However, it can be managed when treated properly.

Adult ADHD is associated with a substantial economic burden, contributing an estimated $122.8 billion in total societal excess costs due to unemployment, productivity loss, and healthcare services.

What To Say Instead:

“Managing ADHD is a lifelong journey. I’m proud of how far you’ve come, and I’m here to help you continue.”

Acknowledging the ongoing efforts helps people stay encouraged in their ongoing management of ADHD in an effective way.

HOW TO HELP SOMEONE WITH ADHD

Understanding what not to say to someone with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a great first step. You can learn to explore other ways to help manage symptoms with a few actionable tips on how to help someone with ADD:

• Be quick to listen, open to learn: Learn as much as you can about the different types of ADD to better understand the condition and how it affects those who live with it.
• Be patient with them and yourself: Recognize how managing ADHD can be challenging and that setbacks are part of the process, so patience and understanding can go a long way in providing support.
• Encourage professional help: If your loved one is struggling, encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional specializing in ADHD. Therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes can also play a role in managing the disorder.
• Create a supportive environment: Help create routines and systems to make daily tasks more manageable, including setting reminders, breaking tasks into smaller steps, or organizing their space to reduce distractions.
• Give intentional emotional support: Simply listening and offering encouragement makes a significant difference by letting them know you believe and support them every step of the way.

ADHD is an often-misunderstood complex disorder but, with the right support system, those who live with it can thrive. Being mindful of what you say to someone with ADD plays a crucial role in helping to navigate their ADHD challenges and live a better life.