The Secret “Me Too” Society

With the onset of the “Me Too” movement in 2017, the extent of sexual abuse and harassment was brought onto the public stage. As notable celebrities and other high-profile people began to openly share their stories, it provided a forum for “everyday” people to also open up about their experiences of abuse. Being able to recognize they had the support of so many others created a greater sense of safety in talking about this far-too-common type of trauma that adversely affects millions and millions of people. Most of those who spoke about surviving sexual abuse were women. In fact, 1 out of every 3 women in the U.S. will experience some form of sexual violence during their lives. Although these statistics are staggering, what many people don’t know is that 1 in every 4 men will be subjected to sexual violence at some point in his life, with 1 out of every 6 boys being sexually assaulted before age 18. These men often suffer in silence due to feelings of shame or the stigma attached to such abuse.

The Prevalence of Male Sexual Abuse

According to a report from the Division of Violence Prevention at the CDC, 25% of males targeted by sexual predators during childhood were raped before the age of 10, and another 25% between the ages of 11 and 17. Many more are molested. And, though people are often under the impression that sexual abuse is largely perpetrated by strangers, 90% of those who commit these heinous crimes are known to the child (or the family). Children are often groomed by those who target them, which among others, can be a coach, teacher, clergy member, neighbor, relative, or those who have befriended them through social media or gaming platforms.

Men Often Don’t Disclose Their Sexual Abuse

It can be very difficult for men who were sexually abused as children—or even as adults—to talk about what happened to them. In a culture that promotes masculinity as being tough and resilient, it can be very uncomfortable for men to not only express the painful emotions and vulnerability related to sexual trauma, but also to see themselves as victims. What further complicates some of these terrible experiences—and can be psychologically confusing—is the automatic physiological sexual response that can occur, despite the trauma of the assault. It is often difficult for men who were sexually abused as children—or even as adults—to talk about the trauma of what happened to them.

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Quite often, boys and men who are sexually abused do not report the crimes against them. Feelings of shame and/or a sense of self-blame can make it very difficult for them to say anything to anyone. And some might try to talk about it but end up feeling invalidated if people they trust do not believe them or cannot understand how a male could be raped or forced to do something against his will. Because of this, boys and men might compartmentalize the experience and bury the painful memories of it.

Coping Can Be a Challenge with Unprocessed Trauma

It’s not unusual for sexual trauma to lead to mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, substance abuse, and/or difficulty controlling anger—especially when memories get triggered or they feel otherwise threatened. While not every survivor of unprocessed sexual trauma will struggle in life, many guys develop unhealthy coping mechanisms to help them manage the anguish and emotions about what happened to them. In addition to addiction mentioned above, these compulsive behaviors might include:

• Workaholism
• Emotional eating
• Extreme sports or extensive physical exercise
• Sex and/or pornography addiction
• Self-harm, such as cutting or head-banging

Some men may also struggle with relationships. They might find it hard to trust another person or be emotionally or sexually available to their partner. Some may have an abnormal need for control in relationships as a way to protect themselves. For others, it may be difficult to stay with someone when things feel too close.

Men Don’t Have to Suffer in Silence

If you’re a survivor of sexual trauma and have been keeping the painful memories to yourself, it’s important to know that there are experienced psychotherapists who can provide a safe environment for you to talk about what happened—a place where you will not be judged, but rather listened to and validated. Some therapists incorporate EMDR, which stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, and is a method that can be very effective when working through trauma. There are also peer support groups for male survivors of sexual assault which can be very helpful. Groups like these help you to understand that you are not alone, and because they don’t have a hierarchy it can alleviate any concerns about a power differential when talking about your experience(s). After years of carrying the secret of their trauma, men often find that having a trusted person to help them work through their sexual abuse feels like a huge burden has been lifted from them. Recently, author and podcast host Lewis Howes talked with Dr. Daniel Amen about how life-changing it was for him when, 25 years after he was raped at age 5, he worked with a psychotherapist to process his trauma. Many men find that the more they are able to talk about what happened to them, the less control the memories have over them—and the more they are able to find healthy ways to cope as they move forward in their lives. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, clinical evaluations, and therapy for adults, teens, children, and couples Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.