6 Worst Things To Say To Someone With PTSD

You can’t predict when you’ll go through a traumatic event. There’s also no way to determine how deeply something will affect your mind and body.

For some people, trauma can leave a lasting emotional imprint that outlasts the physical one. This can make everyday life feel overwhelming, and many suffer through it without feeling they can speak up.

That’s why the right support system can make all the difference in healing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Trauma comes from a host of life events from abuse and assault to military combat and accidents. This doesn’t just affect the person living with it—it ripples through their relationships, families, and social circles.

It’s estimated that about 5% of U.S. adults—roughly 13 million people—struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder each year. If you know someone who is suffering, knowing what not to say to someone with PTSD is important.

At Amen Clinics, we have worked with thousands of patients struggling with this debilitating mental health disorder. Many of them have shared that some friends and family members with good intentions have said things that actually made them feel worse.

To avoid saying the wrong thing, spend some time learning more about the condition and how to talk about it with compassion and empathy. This is key to helping others heal from PTSD.

WHAT IS PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that occurs after experiencing or witnessing a life-threatening event, such as violence, war, or serious accidents. PTSD can be debilitating and manifest in four main symptom clusters:

• Trauma relapse: Flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts about the event.
• Avoidance: Steering clear of places, people, or things that trigger memories of the trauma.
• Negative mood and thoughts: Feelings of guilt, shame, or detachment from others.
• Hyperarousal: Constant feelings of anxiety, being easily startled, or struggling to relax.

Supporting someone dealing with PTSD requires understanding, patience, and empathy on a personal level.

With about 80% of people with PTSD also dealing with co-occurring mental health conditions, diagnosis and treatment is highly nuanced.

Here are a few ways that help:

• Brain SPECT Imaging: This imaging technique reveals how trauma affects the brain and cognitive function, and helps personalize treatment plans based on biological processes.
• Neurofeedback Therapy: This non-invasive, medication-free treatment has helped trauma survivors regulate brain activity, improving focus and reducing certain post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms.
• Individual Trauma-Focused Psychotherapy: Prolonged Exposure (PE), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) are some of the proven psychotherapies and effective treatments for reducing PTSD symptoms.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO PEOPLE WITH PTSD

A safe and supportive environment for you and your loved ones starts with you. If you want to know what not to say to someone with PTSD and learn what to say to people with PTSD, look at these six examples.

1. “Why can’t you just get over it?”

Invalidating and dismissing someone’s PTSD cause and/or symptoms can end up causing more harm than intended. Telling someone to “move on” oversimplifies their experience and may make them feel like their trauma isn’t worth acknowledging.

What to Say Instead

“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. I’m here for you if you want to talk or need support.”

Healing PTSD can be a long, non-linear process, so expressing empathy with a listening ear can help them feel understood and not rushed into recovery.

2. “It could have been worse.”

Comparing someone’s trauma to other painful situations diminishes their experience. PTSD isn’t about ranking how severe the trauma was—it’s about how that event impacted them. It can feel like a slap in the face like they don’t deserve to feel upset.

What to Say Instead

“I’m sorry that something so painful happened to you, but I’m here if you want to talk.”

Prioritizing someone’s feelings about their personal experience, without comparing it to yours or someone else’s, reinforces the validity of their feelings. Sometimes, actively listening without judgment is the best support.

3. “I know how you feel.”

Unless you’ve lived through the exact same experience, this can come across presumptive and self-centered. Every trauma is personal, and two people can think and react very differently to similar experiences.

What to Say Instead 

“I may not know exactly what you’re going through, but I want to understand and support you however you need.”

Instead of leading the conversation with your insight, focus on who needs support.

4. “Stop overreacting.”

Minimizing someone’s feelings by labeling them as overreacting is incredibly harmful. Different symptoms may seem overwhelming if you haven’t experienced trauma, but that doesn’t mean to undercut their feelings as invalid.

What to Say Instead

“It seems like this situation is incredibly hard for you. How can I support you right now?”

Offering help in the moment and recognizing the difficulty of their situation shows you care without belittling their response.

5. “You’re being dramatic.”

Calling someone dramatic invalidates their emotions and experience. For people with post-traumatic stress disorder, it can have a bigger negative impact as they already feel ashamed or burdensome to those around them.

What to Say Instead 

“I know you’re going through something tough, so let me know how I can support you.”

Even if their behavior seems extreme from the outside, remember they may be acting this way from isolation. Let them know you see them through their trauma as they handle it in the best way they know how.

6. “That happened so long ago.”

Trauma doesn’t have an expiration date. Without proper treatment and support, it can stay with someone for a few years, or through their lifetime. Putting a timeline on them to heal shows you don’t know how PTSD works or how ongoing struggles affect them.

What to Say Instead 

“No matter when this happened, it’s still affecting you now, and that’s OK. I’m here to help however I can.”

This kind of validation lets them know they’re allowed to feel the way they do, regardless of how long ago their traumatic event happened.

HOW TO HELP SOMEONE WITH PTSD

PTSD has layers to the healing process with some common and sometimes unique behavioral patterns developing over time. It can depend on what traumatic event happened at what point in a person’s life.

While knowing what to say is essential, there are other ways to support someone with post-traumatic stress disorder beyond talking. Here’s how to help someone with PTSD:

• Be mindful of any PTSD triggers: Pay attention to what may set off their PTSD symptoms and avoid exposing them to distressing situations by offering support as needed.
• Learn about PTSD: The more you understand this condition, the better equipped you’ll be to give or receive compassionate support.
• Suggest professional guidance: Gently suggest therapy from a professional experienced in trauma and let them know it’s OK to seek help without pushing.
• Be patient and avoid pressure: Healing takes time, and everyone’s journey is unique, so take care in letting them choose the pace in their recovery.
• Respect their boundaries: People with PTSD need time and space to deal with difficult moments, especially with certain triggers and symptoms.
• Help with day-to-day tasks: Trauma feels like a weight on the simplest tasks, so offering to help with the mental load of certain tasks can relieve some stress.

Post-traumatic stress disorder can be a difficult condition to understand if you’ve never experienced trauma firsthand. The good news is that it’s never too late to show empathy and compassion to another person.

Everyone’s trauma is unique, and what might seem minor to one person can be devastating to another. Choose your words wisely and you’ll be one step closer to knowing how to help someone with PTSD.