Psychiatrists Share the One Secret to Getting Along with Others

Do you find yourself frequently getting into spats with your spouse? Butting heads with coworkers? Going to war with your neighbors? If your relationships are filled with angst and arguments, it can rob you of your happiness and make your life miserable. It doesn’t have to be this way. In 30 years of clinical practice, the psychiatrists at Amen Clinics have helped thousands of couples overcome marital conflict and thousands of other patients learn how to get along better with the people in their lives. And there’s one secret they’ve found that is the most helpful. Shut up and listen! In 30 years of clinical practice the psychiatrists at Amen Clinics have helped tens of thousands of patients learn how to get along better with others. And there’s one secret they’ve found that is the most helpful: Shut up and listen!

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According to the team at Amen Clinics, learning the art of listening is the key to better communication that will help all of your relationships. Here’s what you need to know.

3 RULES OF LISTENING FOR BETTER RELATIONSHIPS

1. Practice active listening.

“I hear you saying…,” or active listening, is a technique therapists are taught to increase communication. It forces you to really hear and understand what the other person is saying. This technique involves repeating back what you understand the other person to be saying. In this way, you check with the sender whether the message you received is the one they intended to convey. Communication often breaks down because of distortions between intention and understanding, especially in emotionally charged encounters. Simply saying, “I hear you saying… Is that what you meant?” can help you avoid misunderstandings. This technique is particularly helpful when you suspect a breakdown in communication. Different phrases in using this technique might be: “I heard you say…. Am I right?” “Did you mean to say…?”  “I’m not sure I understand what you said. Did you say….?” “Did I understand you correctly? Are you saying that….?” “Let me see if I understand what you’re saying to me. You said that…?” Advantages to “active listening” include:

• You receive more accurate messages.
• Misunderstandings are cleared up immediately.
• You are forced to give your full attention to the other person.
• Both parties are now responsible for accurate communication.
• The speaker is likely to be more careful with what they say.
• It increases your ability to really hear the other person and thus learn from them.
• It stops you from thinking about what you’re going to say next so that you can really hear what the other person is saying.
• It increases communication.
• It tends to cool down conflicts.

2. Listen without judgment.

This can be really tough for some people, but don’t try to prove that others are wrong and you’re right. Let them say their piece and think carefully about how you react to what they’re sharing. Avoid saying things like: “You shouldn’t feel that way.” “Get over it.” “You brought this on yourself.” “That’s a dumb idea.” “Don’t be so stupid.” Diminishing someone else’s feelings, blaming someone, or calling them names is hurtful and can put them on the defensive. It almost guarantees a heated exchange or a rift in the relationship. When listening to others, try to put yourself in their place and use phrases like the following instead. “That must be challenging for you.” “I feel for you.” “It’s a shame that this is happening.” “Let’s flesh out that idea to see if it could work.” “Maybe there’s another way to look at this.” Offering support and letting people know they can open up to you enhances communication and will solidify your relationship.

3. Don’t talk over people.

Stop interrupting and let others finish what they’re saying. If you’re the type who jumps in to complete others’ sentences or to respond to what you think they may say, take a moment to pause. Your brain may be infested with fortune-telling ANTs, automatic negative thoughts that cause you to predict the worst. Also, when you try to guess what others are going to say, you deny them the chance to fully express themselves. You may think you’re showing an interest in their views, but they may interpret it as you not allowing them to be heard. Sometimes the best thing you can do is say nothing at all and just let the other person speak. Marital problems and trouble in other relationships can’t wait. During these uncertain times, your mental well-being is more important than ever and waiting until life gets back to “normal” is likely to make your symptoms worsen over time. At Amen Clinics, we’re here for you. We offer in-clinic brain scanning and appointments, as well as mental telehealth, remote clinical evaluations, and video therapy for adults, children, and couples. Find out more by speaking to a specialist today at 888-288-9834 or visit our contact page here.